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<center>__I Don't Want Them To See Me__</center>

Well it just sucks, I've been trying to avoid my relatives particularly in my father's side of the family from ever seeing me because I just don't want them to see me like this. I remember going for vacation in my grandmother's house because in that time I just want to mingle with them before I die because I thought that when my Kidneys finally fails I would die immediately.

Unfortunately I didn't die but instead I lived more than the years I am expecting to survive. It has been 18 years already that I am contending with this situation of mine. I thought that dialysis was the toughest thing to ever hit me but I was wrong.

I never knew that it was the complications that will eventually bring me down and I am talking about my mal-metamorphosis into another being that I could never recognize or accept. But then again it was not the appearance that doesn't bother me much although I am affected by it of course but the pain that accompanies it, pain that gets worse as years go by, that is what is shaking me from my foundations.

It would be better if I would be like this and the pain and disabilities won't get worse but it is now getting worse and that makes me feel so worried to the bones. I just hope that I won't get fractures particularly from my hip joints because I do not know what to do anymore if that would happen. Definitely it would be like hell on earth.

Anyway, some of my relatives would come by and I do not like it at all. They would just be like invading my privacy. Some people do not want to be bothered and that is me. I am just thinking that these relatives of mine are just curious on how I look now but I think they already seen me via my father which now uses a social media after my niece had given him her smartphone.

I have in no way to avoid them, I can't just grab a bike and go to someplace. I am just pinned here on my bed because I am just totally disabled. It is hard if you do not have a friend around that you can hang with so that really makes me feel so alone but I have to toughen up really some more and face the music. This life that I had was interesting, I am still thankful but this is my fate and I still have to fight even though there is a much possibility of bad things would happen than good things.