<center>![Screenshot_20190208124241_1.jpg](https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/cryptopie/kuMpdZ9V-Screenshot_20190208-124241_1.jpg)</center>
<center>__My Frustrations Are Of Paramount__</center>

In my mind I wanted to go back into what I am doing before, my hobby, my ventures, my chores, and sometimes a simple walk to the mall although it is that that so simple because I was doing window shopping. Sometimes I would ask for a price for some item and the saleslady would not want to notice me. Well anyway I have not much money then, I couldn't buy all I wanted.

Now that at least I have money, although most of it are just planned to get used for my surgery goals so in that effect I have not much money but at least I can afford things that I wanted but can never use them because of my physical condition.

<center>![company-3368699_640.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXaMeQhtdzW6DGS3XkknrxwVcsGiSzzikWSCoM3Mfn7aN/company-3368699_640.jpg)</center>
<center>__A Long Time Ago I Can Roam Two Shopping Malls Just Window Shopping Considering That I Am Already A Dialysis Patient Then__</center>


So I am just frustrated to never going back to what I was doing before like for example cooking! I was the one that cooks for my family, every rice I cook is perfect although it took time for me to perfect it. The secret is to shield the pot from air on all sides so that the heat would cook evenly and not only from the bottom. The result is a fluffy rice which is comparable to the product of expensive rice cookers.

I also learned about the proper measure of things by not measuring it. I am consistent about the taste of the dishes that I cook and making sure that they are indeed tasty and have the same quality as before.

I was memorizing every ingredient that I put in my dishes and it is a trial and error until I find the taste and quality that I wanted and sticking to it. But cooking is really tough, you just have to learn and to never expect a different result if you are not modifying and learning about anything that comes up.

<center>![retro-1291738_640.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUyLEJgysuhnpGqa2v7dkNQpCQv92MtDsS73hR8j64Yki/retro-1291738_640.jpg)</center>
<center>__It Is Very Satisfying To Cook Especially If The Result Is A Delicious Dish__</center>

I also had a hobby of target shooting before, with my pellet gun and an airshotgun. My plan was to hunt with my friends with my air shotgun but my body just went downhill and my plan of repairing that air shotgun of mine when it got broke also went to nothing, now it is just sitting here in my room gathering dust. Now somebody else would make use of it after my time so it is just sad that I wasn't able to enjoy it, only had used it twice with one instance I was suffering from Pneumonia.

Now rifles and guns are heavy and good luck to me if I can ever fore one again lest I will strain my back, compress it and injure myself. It is just bad how a Hyperparathyroid can do to a person long-term, it makes them weak, thinned-out, and with moans and groans because joint pains and stiffness all over.

<center>![shooter-870350_640.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTTTNzgtpedcbr7DyRQBQLptLAXozySrv53T7mJcRNiyB/shooter-870350_640.jpg)</center>
<center>__I Have A Fascination With Airguns And At Least I Had The Chance To Enjoy It In The Past__</center>

I would like to go back to gardening as well. I had the ideation of buying grated fruiting trees, berries, and dwarf coconuts too. Hot peppers which I also can use the leaves for chicken stewed in ginger or broiled milkfish on hot coals, those are very delicious dishes that uses chili pepper leaves.

I would not like to garden when my father is around, he just destroys everything and even whacked my passion fruit vine even before it bore flowers. I even had made a trellis for it. My father said after whacking it that it will just be home for snakes so gardening with my father around is a no-no. He has an itchy hands that wants to plat and replant and then decimate until there is no more. After he went home from abroad I just had never touched our backyard soil again.

<center>![vegetables-752153_640.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmP8cKkyauEjuTwvN4FLrrqwYTdS6RQmYsCHiqnFnShWMR/vegetables-752153_640.jpg)</center>
<center>__My Mother Told Me Once That I Have A Green Thumb__</center>

Those are just some of my frustrations and more if you could imagine what I am feeling right now. So much times lost in my life and now I just ended up as an Internet worm because this is the only thing I could do. There is a big possibility that I can never the said former things again until some blessing from God is bestowed once again for me, another miracle that is the only solution about this neck-deep of medical problems that I am carrying. So I just needed all the prayers in the world to at least taste life as it should be felt.


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