The Schteinn Science Report ~ From The Dryer-Part I : The Sock Gremlin's Got Nothin' On The Fitted Sheet Monster ~ Original Photography and Ideas About Socks, Sheets, And The Dynamics Of Laundry Day ~ by ddschteinn

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· @ddschteinn · (edited)
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The Schteinn Science Report ~ From The Dryer-Part I : The Sock Gremlin's Got Nothin' On The Fitted Sheet Monster ~ Original Photography and Ideas About Socks, Sheets, And The Dynamics Of Laundry Day ~
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<center>![P1200436-01-6 1152x891 243kb OFF THE VINE 210kb SCIENCE FINAL.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSbUQ63J6UHTa7XqZ7NkSzLXshpm3H4W6xQgSU7Goz6Ra/P1200436-01-6%201152x891%20243kb%20OFF%20THE%20VINE%20210kb%20SCIENCE%20FINAL.jpg)</center>
### *An Original Schteinn Science Report* ###
~*Fifth Edition*~

###### Brought To You By: *Schteinn School of the Sophisticated Sciences* --  *Home Economics Department* -- The Laundry Research and Further Home Development Laboratories ###### 

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<center>![P1050887-1 48kb no name.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRqD8K1Eqw8KYDNguwSesAEAUwDUE6VdQweUZh8rcPs4X/P1050887-1%2048kb%20no%20name.jpg)</center>

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## Findings: #
<center>![P1570667-3 386kb thumbnail 1280x720.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaGjW82P9GCmdJJp95gNmm38AkUVJSS9ZR4KzPGUpExfi/P1570667-3%20386kb%20thumbnail%201280x720.jpg)</center>
### *Where's My Other Sock, Ya Little Dryer Doober?* ###


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I'm not entirely sure if this problem is experienced world wide, or just in my neck of the woods.  I suppose this odd sock anomaly may not be a thorn in people's laundry side EVERYWHERE, as some folks of the world may not even WEAR socks.  Lets face it, when it's 122Β° under the shade of a tree, why would you add an extra layer of thick cloth to your feet?   

Then again, I'm not exactly well traveled, at least when it comes to appropriate climatological footwear. So I'm pretty much blasting away at  fish in the theoretical sock-barrel here.

But in my part of the country, where cold and rain is as common as a runny nose? Socks are a definite necessessory (necessary accessory) of the foot.  And in my daily, fancy dressΓ‘ge, I wear TWO layers of socks.  A thin liner, with a thicker wool sock on top.  All for warmth and cushy-ness.  Yes, I suppose you could call me a major, comfort-based leisure potato, all  the way down to my toasty, size 12 feet.  But I'm Happy!!

### The Two-Footed Laundry Dilemma ###
And what happens when you WEAR these socks all day long?  They get stinky.  And you tend to wash them.  And when you do?  And then toss them into the dryer in the end? the inevitable happens.  One half of a sock pair often goes missing. This must be some sort of odd,  immutable *Laundry Law of the Universe*.  

And though Science has spent eons of time and bags of money doing deep research into this dryer-based,   *Bermuda Sock Triangle*, it is STILL a complete mystery.   Even Einstein loved his socks.   And still couldn't prove anything relative in this missing laundry dilaema. (Well, at least I've never READ anything he wrote about this problem).    

All I can tell you?  Toss an armload of wet clothes into  the dryer, wait for the '*ding*', whisk them out to the bed to arrange and fold, and *vwaalaah*, there's often at LEAST one sock missing.  

### Brief, Riveting Sideline [HERE] ###
What if BOTH socks of a pair end up disappearing? Would anyone even notice?  I know  I don't pen ANY sort of inventory before I launch a wad of wet clothes into the dryer,  straight from the wash-machine.  So unless NO socks came out of the dryer,  once it hollered out that the cycle was complete, I would be none the wiser.  

At least until two weeks later, when my sock drawer was COMPLETELY bare.   Then I'd probably just blame the *Dresser Drawer Demon*. (They live in the area BELOW the lowest dresser drawer. Next to the floor. You'll only see their nests though -- piles of socks and underwear's, mixed in with old floor lint.) 

### But Sasquatch Can't Even FIT Into My Socks ###
Enough of the deep-thought theoretical's.  Onward, and back to the missing single sock.  NOW we're missing one of the valuable mates to some of our favorite sock couples.  And everyone  I know blames the *Sock Gremlins*.  

No one's ever SEEN these ubiquitous, wash day clepto-creatures.  Let alone talked to them, or taken blurry photos of them in a  'dead run'  from the side, like all Sasquatch portraits. But everyone I know  is quite sure these *Gremlins* DO  exist.  Where ELSE would all the missing  socks be disappearing to?  It just makes good sense.  

### So What's All This Business About The Fitted Sheet Monster? ###
I've made a new discovery recently. Well, that would be incorrect. I've KNOWN about this for a long time, but never put much mental effort into it.  Until recently.  

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<center></center>![P1560199-1 336kb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPLfByWvDy69zRtxbztuPxpok8w2n8A8uaGwEuFVZphPX/P1560199-1%20336kb.jpg)
### *The Standard Fitted Sheet, Swinging In The Breeze ~ Acting All Nonchalant Like Nothing Is Going On* ###
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The wonderfully creative Steemit storyteller @generikat said something a while back in a post about fitted sheets. (More on that point later, in Part II).  And it got me to thinking.  I've been missing socks from dryer runs for YEARS. And have always chocked it up to  the normal spinning's of the planet Earth. 

We all live here, we all wash clothes, we all lose sock-mates to the *Sock Gremlins* now and then.   And we all get over it.  It's a lot like the common cold, people who whistle loudly in public,  or annoying ads on the  "free"  ROKU Channel of the TV.  Those painful things we all put up with on a daily basis, as living, breathing human beans. 

But recently, I've discovered a menace far greater than these run-of-the-mill,  single-sock-stealing  *Gremlins*.  I'm talking about the *Fitted-Sheet Monster*.  Do you realize how many socks will fit inside each of a fitted sheet's cloth-corner 'flexi-baskets'?   A LOT.  

And unless you hang the sheet up to dry,  or until you pull it out to wrestle with and finally pin  onto the mattress, you are probably clueless as to what is really going on here.  

There can be an entire  DRAWER full of socks in these little odd, springy, quad-corner kangaroo pouches.  How did I finally discover this?  At least at this scale?  Simple.   I often hang my clothes outside to dry. 

Why NOT use the Sun? Seems to me like a lot of those warm rays from above just go to waste on a daily basis.  I  can help efficiently  use them up, AND save precious electricity at the same time. Simply by drying my sheets and other things outdoors. Even my 40 pound bag-load of socks gets clothes-pinned up and out onto the line. 

And what have I discovered, doing all this laundry hanging? These fitted sheets are incredibly sneaky...

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<center>![P1560100-2 324kb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVJm1CABxZ2c6RwqrANEgcztLD9z4FvLVZESKEMA3ndoC/P1560100-2%20324kb.jpg)</center>
### *That Roo-Pouch Hanging On The Line Seems To Be 'Pooching' Down A Bit -- What's Up With That?* ###

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<center></center>


### Let's Take A Closer Look... ### 

<center></center>![P1560129-1 317kb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRKYT2Nzcd4CWu7TMmLjkfx5uLs4B3P5QiQofUxuLQ4gz/P1560129-1%20317kb.jpg)
### *What IS That...Deep Down In The Springy Well?* ###

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![P1560129-1 317kb 318kb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmY3k8HaN1qxG8CecKaKC4enq6bYXcmmjGau5dL8tR1kHg/P1560129-1%20317kb%20318kb.jpg)
### *A Science Arrow Always Helps* ###

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### An Even CLOSER Look ###
<center>![P1560122-1 276kb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmeQGKXg2fueb11B1xGT4fdUvhQ53NEHNKMi7DznaU6uXC/P1560122-1%20276kb.jpg)</center>
###  *Yaargg!!* ###

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THERE'S my missing blue sock.  Right in the elastic basket.  Hiding out in plain sight.  Just waiting for me to walk back across the lawn when things are fully dried and pulled off the line.  And then dropped out in the damp grass from the secret sheet basket.  

My poor sock.  Now lying in the grass,  just waiting to be piddled on by a wild cat, run over by the John Deere, or worse, snarfed up by a wandering Nutria.  (We live near a pond system.  I've actually found errant laundry a Nutria drug around the yard. Maybe for fun? Or as potential  nesting material? I have no idea. I just wish they'd mind their own business, and leave my misplaced socks and other fineries alone.)


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<center>![P1560149-2 234lb.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPc2G9eBqzYG9XrN2obGwrVsSTHdrr7tADgsPYxDzLcgT/P1560149-2%20234lb.jpg)</center>
### *Another Sock In A Different Fitted Sheet Monster* ###

You can see that a lighter colored sheet is easier to deal with. You can almost see the sock through the fabric in the back-lit sun. Much less likely to lose these captured socks. But still possible, if you are not paying close, laundry-day attention.  A finely negative way to lose precious inner footwear to the lawn elements. 

### The Final Sock-Loss Verdict ###
This whole *Fitted Sheet Monster* thing is what folks call a  double-edged sword.  On the one hand, you can lose a TON of socks in a single fitted sheet, particularly if you are a '*take it right from the dryer, don't check it, and put it away*' type of person.

**The Good News**
You WILL find your missing sock(s),  sooner or later.  When you pull that sheet out for use from the closet or wherever you store them.   That's the good news, or the right side of the sword.  Your precious socks are not  gone forever.

**The Bad News**
Well...(besides the worst-case: Pesky Nutria/whizzing kitty/mower scenario)...if you DON'T notice this anomaly  right away, you may be short of socks for quite a while, until you DO drag the sheet down off the closet shelf.  You'll get these socks back,  it just might take awhile.  (And we must hope the socks ended up fully dried. If not, they might be a bit 'ripe', by the time you do find them. More on this in Part III,  later in this captivating series.)

**The REALLY Bad News - Is Really Good News**
Whereas,  when the *Sock Gremlin* eats (or 'whatever s')  your sock(s),  there is no telling WHERE in the Universe they might end up.  You will likely not see them again.  So maybe this *Fitted Sheet Monster* is not such a bad creature after all.  Yes, he's a bit of a clepto, but is at least a considerate sock thief.  Go figure, a Fitted Sheet with a deep conscience. 

### Final Scenario ###
Shed a tear for the missing socks, and move on.  And keep a close eye on all four of your fitted sheet 'corner baskets' from now on.  You may find many of your missing footwear in there.  Your feet will appreciate it, as will your boss at work, when your socks finally match every day. And you won't have quite as much animosity toward the poor *Sock Gremlins*.  Bless their little sneaky, sock stealing hearts. 

#### <center>~ Finto ~</center> ####

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## ~ STAY TUNED ~ ##
 ### Tomorrow we'll have another riveting article on further laundry problems, in: ###
# *From The Dryer ~ Part II: Folding These Goofy Things For Storage* #

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<sub></sub>

                                                                                      


#### Thanks for stopping in and viewing the wonderful world of fitted sheets,  socks, and why socks disappear so easily.   If you have any thoughts about *Fitted Sheet Monster*, *Sock Gremlins*,  other demons of the laundry world, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you. ####



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<center>![PressCard_dds_1200dpi 152kb 532x357 FINAL NOT FU  3-21-17 created by O.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmfDpcoXdrTHifCCZqW6nyayH4xk7xsFJeFHh7DTLLbPgm/PressCard_dds_1200dpi%20152kb%20532x357%20FINAL%20NOT%20FU%20%203-21-17%20created%20by%20O.jpg)</center>
<center>-[OFFICIAL PRESS CREDENTIAL HERE]-</center>

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<sub>A huge shout-out from the Freelance Reporter's cardboard holler-horn goes out to the amazing @ocrdu for creating this marvy little identification credential for The Schteinn Science Report. Not only is it ultra-cool, but it allows me to poke about into databases and other larger places I'm probably not supposed to be. Though that IS the point of this on-the-edge, razor-sharp Science reportΓ‘ge.</sub>


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<center>http://www.steemimg.com/images/2016/12/04/picmonkey200pixltotaketoPhotoDirector2be5d.jpg</center>

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### **Please UPVOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW if you enjoy my works.** ###
#### And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more... ####
*<sub>Posted: 03/08/2018 @ 15:48</sub>*
  
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![P1050887-1 48kb no name.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRqD8K1Eqw8KYDNguwSesAEAUwDUE6VdQweUZh8rcPs4X/P1050887-1%2048kb%20no%20name.jpg)
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## *Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat* ##
### Fact Number 45 ### 

![Laundry Fitted Sheet Monster STINKY tortoise shell.PNG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmatmiNtT2JkxCcqjuf6EdnR7DNQE7KgLQDdWNdS3rh45N/Laundry%20Fitted%20Sheet%20Monster%20STINKY%20tortoise%20shell.PNG)
πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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@yesslife ·
$0.04
Not only does it happen to you, it usually happens to me sometimes I just have a sock and they are experts in mixing with other clothes hahaha and the savannah and it is not a problem I avoid folding those sheets MY GOD! I never learned how to fold that sheets
πŸ‘  
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@ddschteinn ·
Those crazy folded sheets. Stay tuned, there is more coming in this regard.  Part II and Part III.   And I"m glad this is universal, all the way down yonder in your world as well.
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@haphazard-hstead ·
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Once you get past the social convention that your socks have to match, life gets a lot easier! And when you decide that 2 old, thin socks are a good substitute for a standard new sock, you are home free! You may be wearing 3 socks on any given day, but that's OK. Here's a motto to remember: I control my socks, my socks do not control me.  ; )
πŸ‘  
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@blacklux ·
$0.04
_"I control my socks, my socks do not control me"_... **Amen to that!**
πŸ‘  
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@ddschteinn · (edited)
Here here, and hear hear, when the drier bell goes off.  I love her take on the socks not controlling our world. The power in the missing footwear is un-matched,  and yet should be fully ignored for happiness. There is a saying there SOMEWHERE...
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@haphazard-hstead ·
But I think you go barefoot more, lol. That is the ultimate control of the socks!  ; )
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@ddschteinn ·
$0.14
Ah, the secret to life. It's all about the socks.  I like your take on all this. If I could just learn to not care, I would have no stress about my socks. Oh wait, I don't really have any anyways.  So now I can wear as many on either foot, and no one will be the wiser...except I might tip over...
πŸ‘  
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@artizm ·
$0.04
ahahahaha :)
This is always the case for my clothes: D
when I wash my sheets some socks disappear: D
I love this witty narration!
very impressive. Thank you :)
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@ddschteinn ·
I think those Dryer Gremlins must be everywhere.  Glad to hear it is not just me ( :
Thanks for the kind words, glad you enjoyed my discussion on our socks and sheets. Stay tuned, Part II and III are on their way soon.  There's ALWAYS more to discuss about laundry.
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@blacklux ·
$0.04
😐..... _excuse me...one sec..._ **pffffffhaaaaaaaaaa!** πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@ddschteinn ·
Ha haa.  Glad you enjoyed the laundry debacles.
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@winstonalden ·
$0.43
You do not inventory your socks, pre-wash?

Let me mansplain something to you (as the young ladies say), mano a mano (as the Spainiards say). I think we may have stumbled upon a source of your life difficulties, here. Not that I would presume to understand what sorts of long-term, persistent unhappiness plagues your life, but seeing your cavalier attitude towards under-footwear, I would guess it may be of a financial nature. Particularly for one who requires a double-layer of socks to venture through the day, this spendthrift, cavalier attitude to lost assets is bound to send you into an economic death spiral, until you find yourself sleeping on the sidewalk of a city too poor to afford a decent subway system, with one bare foot, while passerby splash coins into a cup of coffee you meant to save for the morning. 

Like Lady Astor, who once spent an entire night searching for a lost penny, because she saw not the value of that penny but instead the compounding interest and potential of it once recovered and well invested, the proper response to a missing sock is an immediate search and rescue operation. Yes, check the fitted sheets. Check the drier vent, in case it somehow got blown outside. Check beneath the machines in case it got dropped and kicked underneath. Think of all the cold days ahead with just one sock on one foot and two on the other, and multiply that misery by five, because that is the number of toes you have, at least until you lose one or more to frostbite. If you fail to find it, you will be raging, stumbling about the laundry regions and shouting, "I WILL DESTROY THIS HOUSE WITH MY ANGER." 

Rage is good exercise, and you will save money since you no longer require a gym membership. Also, you may alienate any family members you live with and support. This is also a cost-saving measure, as families are notoriously expensive.
πŸ‘  
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@ddschteinn ·
This, my fine sir, has made me laugheth to no end. I'm fairly certain this may  end up on the Steemit Hall Of Comment Fame wall.   And as such, and Oh Dear...I do not know this Lady Astor, but do think you have struck upon a chord of some pluck, concerning  life's difficulties of late.  I greatly appreciate the heads up, as I had not fully realized the path of my SOCK dilemma as any part of my difficulties.  I must study further upon this theme of the errant footwear. Very astute indeed. (I DO still have all my digits, I counted.)   

Your thoughts on family and anger are also well heeded. I have taken to yelling at a walnut  tree in the back yard for 5 minutes a day.  I DO feel much better, though the neighbors tend to go inside whenever I begin my exercise routine.  Do you suppose performing this task  with an old ash can on my head would alleviate this sore spot between neighbor and self,  yet still provide ample aerobic benefit to yours truly?   You seem like a very smart fellow about such things...
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@tezzanur ·
Good Writing brother
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@ddschteinn ·
Thank you, muchly appreciated.
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@debralee ·
$0.03
>Brought To You By: Schteinn School of the Sophisticated Sciences -- Home Economics Department -- The Laundry Research and Further Home Development Laboratories

That made me smile! :D

I am sure there is a black hole with in the dryer that sucks in all of the missing socks. :P

Those sneaky Fitted-Sheet Monsters! I knew the black hole had a helping hand! 

I have not been able to hang my cloths outside for years now. I used to love sun drying them.
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@ddschteinn ·
Thanks, glad it gave you a smile. Those pesky sock stealer's are everywhere. Then again, they keep life interesting.  It is nice to be able to hang them.  Do you have CC&R's against it in your neighborhood,  or just not able to have space to hang laundry?  My mom lived in a place that said it was 'illegal', which seemed nuts to me.  Legislate poor environmentalism.  I yii yiiiiii. 
Hope you have a nice night, and it's done snowing there.  (Did your canvas thing get squished again? Not sure why I'm so interested in your patio furniture ( :
πŸ‘  ,
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@debralee ·
There was a neighborhood association here that banned them at one time. It fell apart and the neighborhood got rid of it. However, there is a growing amount of neighbors that want it back... sigh. I've never understood why people want to tell others what to do on their own property. I hope it never goes through but the fact that it might keeps me from putting a cloths line up. 

Meantime, I've been keeping my eyes open for a property more in the country. So far it seems the flippers get them 1st, slap a few repairs on the lots and then sell them for an inflated price. 

The Canvas held up okay, all things considered. lol A squirrel had wrecked havoc on it long before winter though. We just have to make up our minds if we want to get a new one or just build a permanent structure, which we have talked about.
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@tangmo ·
Good story about the missing socks and the sheet monster.  I’m much surprised that you finally found the socks in the corners of the sheets.  It’s really good news!  I enjoyed reading your story.  Great work, as always!  ;)
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@ddschteinn ·
Thank you, glad you enjoyed the latest deep Science Report.  Do you have this problem as well?   It is always nice to find your missing socks...kind of like being re-united with an old friend.  As some never come back.  Large Sigh.
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@tangmo ·
You're welcome!  Ah!  I absolutely agree with your statement; "kind of like being re-united with an old friend.  As some never come back."  Ha ha!  That's true!  :D
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