Welcome to today's blog.  JUST A NOTE TO PEOPLE THAT ARE ALREADY DIVORCED. You and your children if there is children, have been through a lot of heartaches and hurt. This post is not intended to make you feel bad or to make you hurt more.  Divorce happens and it is a reality.  If you have been through a divorce, it is no use to wallow in the past.  You have to forgive yourself, forgive your spouse and go on to rebuild your life.  This post is intended to show people that divorce in the most cases did have the results and outcome that they hoped for.  If you are divorced and everything worked out for you afterward please share in the comments. 

Yesterday I started on the ugly topic of DIVORCE.  If you have missed it please go read it at
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-45-divorce-part-1

Yesterday I end my post with the following:
The survival rate for first marriages is only 50 percent. Why? Because married people reason that being unmarried has to be better than this mess they're in. But after the divorce, they are more miserable than before. So they remarry, which is worse than before because the survival rate for second marriages is only 30 percent!!

![pixabay divorce.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTeC2v7sAjPcN3FcVPkPypF3LqpqWDU5Gs6rKa4a7YntF/pixabay%20divorce.png)

So what does that tell you, it is not easier the second time round and even worst the third time round. Can you guess what is the survival rate of third marriages? Only 15 percent.  So please when you think about divorce, then also think about rather staying single for the rest of your life.  When you get married for the 2nd time you have dealt with all the mental, emotional, spiritual, legal and financial baggage left over from your first marriage. Also in second marriages there is likely to be more children involved, your children, his children, the exes, the majority of people just can't coope with that level of stress, pressure and turmoil. 

When I was widowed I married @Scotty777, which was divorced.  My kids were grown up and suddenly I had another two teenagers in my house, after I vowed to never ever raise teenagers again.  Scotty got the kids, but their mother was and still is in the picture today. Although I did my best with them after having a wonderful open relationship with my two kids, they just never really accepted me. My kids were both extroverts, they were both introverts which made it even more difficult to establish a loving relationship with them. They got hurt in the most vulnerable time of their live the early teens and all they wanted to do after that was hurt back, even their own father and mother. 

![aaa trou fotos 263.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZforz5NAB9K5UGZUc8Vfq6Kjg8yFgThFx2GW5QRYDzMe/aaa%20trou%20fotos%20263.jpg)
Scotty with Adrian and Carin a few months after the divorce. 

And maybe this is the biggest reason to never get a divorce.  If you think getting a divorce is better for the kids, you are dead wrong.  Just like Scotty's kids were hurt and that was part of the problem why they could not accept me. If you get a divorce you are unleashing devastation on your kids.  Dr. Stephen Schwambach, the writer of the book, Tough talk to a stubborn spouse say:  "I have seen the helpless victims of divorce come through my church and school by the hundreds.  Like wounded survivors of Hiroshima, their scars are permanently etched into their faces and bodies, from the bomb of divorce that was dropped on their innocent lives. 
![pixabay crying children.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmauUW76udTR6p9BhKuPYLezZ3BKnuXkFM6jNo5chSApuj/pixabay%20crying%20children.jpg)

You maybe saying because we are fighting the whole time the children are already hurting, that is like saying they already have some nasty cuts we can just well go ahead and severe their arms. When parents fight and fight and keep on fighting until they discover how to live together in happy harmony it is hard on the children. But that can also be some of the best training that they ever will receive.  It will prepare your children for the actual hardships out there in the real world.  
BUT, they will be able to conclude, "Yes we Smiths have problems like everybody else, but we solve them. That's the attitude of a winner. 

As usual, when I start a topic, I saw there is much more to it than I had anticipated.  Will continue in the next post on what you can do instead of getting a divorce.