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<p> The teacher's psychologist tells about why the stories "baby scream understands better" is a harmful myth and how to hold back if nerves are at their limit. </p>
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<p> Uncontrolled outbursts of rage and irritation do not color anyone. And if they regularly fall on the child, it can negatively affect the development of his personality. At the same time, stresses, which adults often experience at work or in communication with other people, affect the nervous state. And already already morally tired and often emotionally exhausted adult, is ready to literally "explode" and throw out anger at the child. </p>
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<p> How to cope with the nerves, says <strong>teacher-psychologist, expert of the Association of Organizations for the Development of Humanistic Psychology in Education Anastasia Kuznetsova:</strong>- In what cases do we shout at children? When other methods of influence end in our arsenal. Feeling our own impotence, we begin to get angry and stop controlling ourselves. At the same time, we expect changes in the behavior of the child, even if clearly we do not realize it. </p>
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<h2>Scream - how normal?</h2>
<p>We must give credit to the "effectiveness" of the cry - the child's behavior does change. True, not always the way adults would like it. Yes, a shout can stop undesirable behavior, but if this "method" is used regularly, the child eventually gets used to this type of communication. And screaming is more frequent and louder. </p>
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<p> If the cry is accepted in the family as a norm, then when the child is outside the family, calm interaction ceases to regulate his behavior. For example, in school, a student who has got used to an aggressive communication at home in high-pitched tones can ignore any remarks and demands of the teacher - he simply does not hear it. The teacher, unlike the parent, can not afford such a "luxury" as a slip or a child on the child.The child in turn, not having other cultural patterns, communicates with peers also in an aggressive manner. It turns out that parental intemperance creates additional risks and problems in the child's socialization. As soon as the child reaches a certain age and realizes that he is already physically strong enough and emotionally strong not to be afraid of parental cries, one can expect that this strategy will be applied to adults. Therefore, when we shout at the child, we should understand: there will come a moment when he begins to talk with us and the surrounding people the way we talk with him. </p>
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<h2>From obedient quiet - into a limp teenager</h2>
<p>It is clear that the temperament of both children and parents can be different. There are moms and dads who cry out the child's will. In this case, there is a great risk that a weak-willed adolescent will grow out of the "obedient quiet", who can manage the behavior of anyone for any purpose. After all, he has no other experience, but fear of screaming and subordination pressure. Such children, getting into trouble, for obvious reasons, are afraid to tell parents about them.They begin to dodge, deceive, become even more entangled. It turns out that we create a threat to the safety of the child with our own hands. It is clear that we are all living people. We can sometimes lose our temper, shout and slap, that it's too much to hide. I'm sure that something like this happens at least once with each parent. Do not immediately sign for pedagogical mediocrity. The main thing is that such outlets should not turn into a system of upbringing. </p>
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<h2>How to cope, if the emotions are off scale, and you are ready to break? </h2>
<p>I will not reveal anything new here. You can apply well-known and proven methods of psychological self-control, anger management, effective communication: take a deep breath, hold your breath, count to 10, crumble the newspaper and tear it into small pieces, shout into the pillow with all your strength ... Leave the room and drink glass of water. When you realize that you are about to break into a scream, try first ... apologize.For example, this way: "I apologize in advance for what you are going to hear from me, but I ..." And further express everything that boiled up. That is, indicate the boundary between the child's right to respect and your right to experience negative emotions and talk about it. <a href="http://www.aif.ru/health/children/33239">Psychologists: the child should be praised 5 times more often than scolded</a>To save anger and discontent is not an option. A claim or an insult must be expressed. Accumulated negative emotions can lead to the fact that you will break down on a flat spot and the child will lose any guidance at all: yesterday my sister forgot to take it from the kindergarten, and nothing, but today I just did not wash the cup and got it in full. Is a pure cup more important?The reaction must be timely and commensurate with the misconduct. </p>
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<h2>What if they could not restrain themselves and shouted?</h2>
<p>Be honest with the child. If you really talk nastily, humiliate him in the heat of anger, explain yourself. Recognize that you were irritated and behaved ugly. To the child realized that it is not normal - to afford such things, even if you are an adult. For example, like this: "Sorry, I really do not think that you are so-and-so, so-and-so. I, of course, love you very much. But your act so brought me out of balance, that I lost control of myself. I'm sure you will not do that again. And I promise to keep myself in hand. " The child in this situation will take a constructive experience: yes, maybe everything, but to behave in a human way. And then we will have the right to expect that he will learn to evaluate his own behavior. I want to emphasize especially when we react to the child's actions, we show him patterns of behavior in certain situations. Watching them from time to time, imitating them, the child forms his own experience. I believe that if a parent knows about this and understands in this connection the measure of his responsibility at every stage of the child's growing up, he is already armed so as not to break wood. Even if sometimes self-control fails. </p>
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