# <center>(IJCH) Ambiguity - It leads to Many Problems (or How Unclear Expectations and Over-Giving Ruins Relationships)</center> # <center>![](https://myelitedetail.us/images/optical-illusion-clipart-ambiguous/optical-illusion-clipart-ambiguous-10.gif) </center><center>[Source](https://myelitedetail.us/images/optical-illusion-clipart-ambiguous/optical-illusion-clipart-ambiguous-10.gif)</center> # # <center>***IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (Meaning: My Warped, Personal Opinions and Musings)***</center> ##### # <center>![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://images.techhive.com/images/article/2016/03/deep-thinking-ai-artificial-intelligence-100649871-primary.idge.jpg) </center><center>[source](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://images.techhive.com/images/article/2016/03/deep-thinking-ai-artificial-intelligence-100649871-primary.idge.jpg)</center> # ***From the Author:*** ***Salutations.*** ***I am JaiChai.*** ***And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.*** # <center>![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://ak1.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/6358721/thumb/2.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://ak1.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/6358721/thumb/2.jpg)</center> # ***I invite you to interact with everyone, learn, and have as much fun as possible!*** ***For my returning online friends, "It's always great to see you again!"*** # # <center>Ambiguity - It leads to Many Problems (or How Unclear Expectations and Over-Giving Ruins Relationships)</center> # # <center>![](https://thesaurus.plus/img/synonyms/166/ambiguity.png) </center><center>[Source](https://thesaurus.plus/img/synonyms/166/ambiguity.png)</center> # Today I had lunch with a friend of mine. Normally, he is a cheerful kind of guy; always smiling and laughing. But today he had a gloomy aura. I couldn't tell whether he was angry or depressed. # <center>![](https://www.promises.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/depressed-man-2-768x426.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://www.promises.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/depressed-man-2-768x426.jpg)</center> # "Are you alright? 'Cause you look kinda sad or ill," I said. After a few moments, he told me what was wrong. I learned that after supporting (emotionally and financially) his girlfriend for over 3 years, today she broke his heart. # <center>![](https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-32d5c3d6250b29d9442966b6dd932683) </center><center>[Source](https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-32d5c3d6250b29d9442966b6dd932683)</center> # To make matters worse, she was a thief. Like a cat burglar, she took all the money from his wallet the previous night while he slept and stole many of his expensive belongings; secretly putting them in her bags before leaving his house. # <center>![](https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/masked-woman-sneaking-lurking-suspicious-looking-theif-costume-picture-id186922824?k=6&m=186922824&s=612x612&w=0&h=LNqb1r3EoURIiXnNQfkf2kaH05ukEUAf3BPCC2vNM7w=) </center><center>[Source](https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/masked-woman-sneaking-lurking-suspicious-looking-theif-costume-picture-id186922824?k=6&m=186922824&s=612x612&w=0&h=LNqb1r3EoURIiXnNQfkf2kaH05ukEUAf3BPCC2vNM7w=)</center> # Furthermore, within minutes of leaving his house, she began spreading some really ugly lies about my friend; basically portraying him as a horrible man and trying her hardest to make sure his chances of ever finding another girlfriend in this town were slim to none. # <center>![](http://www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gossip.jpg) </center><center>[Source](http://www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gossip.jpg)</center> # My advice was simple. Looking him straight in the eyes, I said, "Forgive, forgive, forgive." # <center>![](https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/14052185.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/14052185.jpg)</center> # "Forgive her, forgive yourself for being an Over-Giver, learn from the experience, and move on - free from any negativity that might sabotage your future happiness." # <center>![](https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/default/files/styles/image-article_inline_full/public/field_blog_entry_images/2017-08/article_7_shutterstock.com_.jpg?itok=2LUPTml8) </center><center>[Source](https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/default/files/styles/image-article_inline_full/public/field_blog_entry_images/2017-08/article_7_shutterstock.com_.jpg?itok=2LUPTml8)</center> # I know that it will take quite awhile before he can actually do what I recommended. Right now he's in the "shock" phase. He'll need to go through the rest of it before he can heal and hopefully become his happy (but smarter) self again. # # <center>Over-Giving</center> # <center>![](http://www.jonathanfields.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/overgiving-1-300x300.png) </center><center>[Source](http://www.jonathanfields.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/overgiving-1-300x300.png)</center> # My friend wasn't acquainted with the term "Over-Giver". This is what I told him... The list of reasons why someone becomes an Over-Giver is a long one. They vary widely - both in primary cause and intensity - among different individuals. But for me, one thing is for sure: # ## <center>*Over-Giving is just as bad as Under-Giving.*</center> # Sooner or later your "Benevolence Tank" is too dry to give anymore; ruining your life and eroding your self-esteem in the process. # <center>![](https://amp.businessinsider.com/images/58e3d02677bb70f13a8b5d3f-640-480.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://amp.businessinsider.com/images/58e3d02677bb70f13a8b5d3f-640-480.jpg)</center> # Think of this. You may be (unknowingly, of course) fostering an "entitlement syndrome" in those who receive your generosity; especially if they neither are grateful, nor attempting to improve themselves. My mentor always reminded me: "Once a favor. Twice a duty. It must be clear to all parties involved when the deed is a favor (a one-time act of benevolence) or a duty (a recurring obligation by one party and a guaranteed annuity or earned benefit for the other). It can't be both for any length of time. And without this understanding (by both parties) from the beginning, feelings get hurt, friendships can collapse, and bitterness can linger on for years." My friend thought deeply for a moment, then smiled for the first time that afternoon. "Thanks, man," he said, "Now what's the name of that cute girl? You know the one, the friend of your girlfriend?"... # # <center>Parting Shot</center> # For more information about Over-Giving, see: # <center>![](http://healingfromburnout.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Over-Giving-Syndrome-square.jpg)</center><center>[Source](http://healingfromburnout.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Over-Giving-Syndrome-square.jpg)</center> # URL: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/isnt-what-i-expected/201403/are-you-over-giver-1 # # ## <center>**By JaiChai**</center> ##### ## <center>**Mighty Kind of You for stopping by.**</center> # ## <center>**Truly hope to see you again!**</center> # <center>![](https://www.bitmart.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/steemit-2.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://www.bitmart.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/steemit-2.jpg)</center> # # <center>About the Author</center> # <center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSgdhAuUbVE9gaGdY5ridsv8BfEJo1vuwPY2yPJj3GDFS/JC320%20black%20line%20frame.jpg)</center><center>[Source](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSgdhAuUbVE9gaGdY5ridsv8BfEJo1vuwPY2yPJj3GDFS/JC320%20black%20line%20frame.jpg)</center> # Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water. # <center>![AM490.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXE1WLuW3iSgbiphtXeitgMddczppoHUiuVzE5gCTctik/AM490.jpg)</center> # After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia. Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk). He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs. ##### ##### <center>![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZ653us9mMijDZsN7zev3M8MzGhByinRhidv3eGspiXmA/600800.jpg) </center><center>[Source](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZ653us9mMijDZsN7zev3M8MzGhByinRhidv3eGspiXmA/600800.jpg)</center> ##### # # <center>![busy animated gif.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaVUbk57UVi1ATCPmVby7hKz8wnJzUTDceLgK4aEHGKoy/busy%20animated%20gif.gif)</center><center>[Source](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1512270487/ezypkgg38xw07myyssgj.gif)</center> <center> ***(More articles by JaiChai can be found on the Busy.org website. [Use this link to visit Busy.org](https://busy.org/i/@jaichai). Better yet, come join the Busy.org community!)***</center> ##### <center>[<img src="https://steemitimages.com/DQmarWRv4wXiqPZbmtDCDRTwE5jewDQrG1ATrXcFrTThxht/Gifbanner.gif">](https://steemit.com/qurator/@qurator/qurator-2-0-update-post-guidelines-or-registration-details-or-tier-changes)</center> ##### https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/382917260022382592/388985975487070218/STEEMIT-BLOGGERS-GIF.gif <center>[CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE STEEMIT BLOGGERS ON DISCORD](https://discord.gg/gRypnga) <center>Animated Banner Created By @zord189 [Creatives]</center> ##### <center>![asapers.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVduk4Q1wVBFXfxnZ7WMbHfyCKUh2afcVRc58v8ccGzU8/asapers.png)</center><center>[*("Join the A.S.A.P.ers Discord Channel")*](https://discordapp.com/invite/KKzNw2X)</center> ##### <center>![jc17.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcfHoM1PcyCMwhv2S6Sg1rD9788gJY1ZPPsnbns41ucZC/jc17.jpg)</center><center>[Source](![jc17.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcfHoM1PcyCMwhv2S6Sg1rD9788gJY1ZPPsnbns41ucZC/jc17.jpg))</center> ##### <center>*"My mind was a terrible thing to waste..." - JaiChai*</center> #####
post_id | 63,162,112 |
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author | jaichai |
permlink | ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships |
category | life |
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created | 2018-09-24 01:21:15 |
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root_title | "(IJCH) Ambiguity - It leads to Many Problems (or How Unclear Expectations and Over-Giving Ruins Relationships)" |
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bowg | 0 | 152,431,763 | 25% | ||
savickg | 0 | 182,917,092 | 30% | ||
womse | 0 | 109,749,643 | 18% | ||
pilleri | 0 | 237,792,220 | 39% | ||
brislingtone | 0 | 170,723,574 | 28% | ||
pinsleye | 0 | 182,917,092 | 30% | ||
arklee | 0 | 134,139,951 | 22% | ||
chyandourere | 0 | 170,723,574 | 28% | ||
skirdene | 0 | 256,083,930 | 42% | ||
egfordr | 0 | 213,404,468 | 35% | ||
borrowe | 0 | 292,668,985 | 48% | ||
jubileerr | 0 | 286,571,714 | 47% | ||
dowlessr | 0 | 195,112,656 | 32% | ||
roeyue | 0 | 262,181,166 | 43% | ||
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dittony | 0 | 158,529,033 | 26% | ||
trevillety | 0 | 201,207,680 | 33% | ||
baileyy | 0 | 152,431,763 | 25% | ||
amicomber | 0 | 243,890,821 | 40% | ||
lamtrs | 0 | 176,820,845 | 29% | ||
stonethwaitet | 0 | 256,083,930 | 42% | ||
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gairt | 0 | 121,945,410 | 20% | ||
pilesr | 0 | 201,208,802 | 33% | ||
wellhamsr | 0 | 189,013,275 | 31% | ||
sleightholmer | 0 | 140,236,437 | 23% | ||
carrockr | 0 | 237,793,550 | 40% | ||
trentr | 0 | 219,499,287 | 36% | ||
stonegaterr | 0 | 176,819,856 | 29% | ||
crippsu | 0 | 146,334,492 | 24% | ||
cowfoldu | 0 | 115,848,140 | 19% | ||
yewdaleu | 0 | 115,846,846 | 19% | ||
todde | 0 | 219,499,287 | 36% | ||
kingstone | 0 | 158,529,033 | 26% | ||
abbeye | 0 | 249,988,091 | 41% | ||
avone | 0 | 115,848,140 | 19% | ||
pulworthye | 0 | 161,576,765 | 27% | ||
billinghame | 0 | 201,209,927 | 33% | ||
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sleightholmes | 0 | 134,139,201 | 22% | ||
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muddilakes | 0 | 170,723,574 | 28% | ||
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keasdenx | 0 | 225,597,747 | 37% | ||
erringag | 0 | 256,083,930 | 42% | ||
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scopeg | 0 | 140,226,899 | 23% | ||
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bowlingvitamin | 0 | 304,526,882 | 50% | ||
physicianisraeli | 0 | 170,536,039 | 28% | ||
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reticuluminspire | 0 | 152,264,321 | 25% | ||
shockingmushroom | 0 | 200,988,904 | 33% | ||
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Both the good and the bad is harmful when it's in excess. I like the way you introduce your posts, by the way, it's original. Greetings!
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author | vieira |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t023206257z |
category | life |
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In Buddhism, we recommend that and call it "The Middle Way". Thank you for visiting, commenting and of course, your kind words. Namaste, Jaichai
post_id | 63,165,984 |
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author | jaichai |
permlink | re-vieira-re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t023600982z |
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Good post mate - and links nicely to 'but she's different' ! lol (people here still can't believe that I have a Thai girlfriend for 5 years and has never _taken_ anything from me. But I undo understand their cynicism..lol)
post_id | 63,166,411 |
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author | lucylin |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t024428972z |
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Thanks. I appreciate you visiting and commenting. Namaste, JaiChai.
post_id | 63,166,868 |
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permlink | re-lucylin-re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t025419155z |
category | life |
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The middle road! Very important lesson - and applicable to so much more than just giving!
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permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t024526869z |
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Hey there, buddy. I thought I was the only one who actually reads the whole comment string! Lol! Thanks for reading and commenting. Namaste, JaiChai
post_id | 63,166,925 |
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author | jaichai |
permlink | re-ecoinstant-re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t025532569z |
category | life |
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True. Over-giving is an attempt to find identity through the giving attitude. I see no use in being always the carer for all the matters of the people around me. Many of the things are not my business. Funnily, people sometimes want to drag one into this business and demand all kinds of favors or activities. Once in a while I get so worried over the stories of others that I forget to not interfere. I let myself being impressed by the dramatic courses relationships can take. So I try to stick to questions which could be of service to the person I am interacting with. But, in fact, a person does not always want questions and indeed gets even angry about me asking and telling me that is not my business. Laughter! I recently got my nose burned as a result of asking questions instead of doing a favor. To which I said "No". I am glad that you did not pay into the "what a b...ch" reaction and that you did not talk bad about the woman who stole your friends belongings. After all, nothing is eaten as hot as it was cooked.
post_id | 63,181,253 |
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author | erh.germany |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t072830254z |
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Excellent comment. I agree. I don't pry - simply because I value privacy; especially my own! Always happy to see you. Thanks for visiting and commenting. May you and yours be well and love life today. Namaste, JaiChai
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permlink | re-erhgermany-re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180924t075346553z |
category | life |
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Very true. Hard lesson to learn at times, but ambiguity can cause so many problems! Good article.
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author | viking-ventures |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180927t162827910z |
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Expectations are high for your regiment! - you have military experience - you'll need it, if you knew about the quality of your brigadier ! lololol. Game starting soon.. ![temp - Copy.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmfDpHyVSD785ggEv5Wn3uwrqcfc2tZ5b6zX6QT2EveewF/temp%20-%20Copy.jpg) https://steemit.com/blog/@lucylin/quantico-campaign-underway-kind-of-the-forces-part-1-ulog-4
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author | lucylin |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180930t020607055z |
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jaichai | 0 | 3,850,322,222 | 41% |
You've been mentioned in dispatches already! lol https://steemit.com/blog/@lucylin/bells-manor-house-makes-it-s-debut
post_id | 63,393,491 |
---|---|
author | lucylin |
permlink | re-jaichai-ijch-ambiguity-it-leads-to-many-problems-or-how-unclear-expectations-and-over-giving-ruins-relationships-20180930t032014054z |
category | life |
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created | 2018-09-30 03:20:42 |
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