![IMAG0048.JPG](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmR7SzTStyJnwyErmJ7HqG9uNLm92XsC7UjkGNpQZHjxbQ/IMAG0048.JPG)
I love using song lyrics to synthesize my own jumbled feelings about things.
They say it far more eloquently than I can seem to manage.

### Part 1 of 2 ..or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6...of a stream of consciousnesses.....

I'm buggered if I know how to start this group of posts, so it'll just have to be a little bit random, and rambling all over the place... (why change the habit, at this late stage of the game, uh?)

First of all, I'd like to thanks @tarazkp. Yes. And I mean it, to.

Sometimes not the quickest on the uptake (that's me btw, not taraz) , I realize just how _wrong_ I've been.
And so I'm losing my religion, so to speak.
Adapting, changing, and  _getting better_. 

#### He has a lot to teach people, me included.

After seeing the 'lower functioning' part of peoples brains react to open debate, it not only showed me  things  about my self, but in other people to. 
_And my reactions to that reaction._
It took me a while, but I got there. 
Pesky synapses.

_I got 'lost in my own game', which is fine as  _I_ love getting lost in games._
  
But other people -those who do not see it the same way -  debate and argument is not a game _at all_ , but rather an activity that is far more real,  and is perceived as a 'real present danger'. Then  it, becomes, for them -  a feeling of _survival_. 
The fight or flight response. 
An intention I never intended, so to speak.
The reptilian part of the brain takes over. (the amygdala, for simplicity).

![amygd.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPHbX2d7FkTgrPygyjCRXkt1EKk7kGvjbU1gKPrpW3a3i/amygd.gif)

> The amygdala  is located deep and medially within the temporal lobes of the brain in complex vertebrates, including humans.
Shown in research to perform a primary role in the processing of memory, decision-making and emotional responses including fear, anxiety, and aggression.
Primarily, it is meant to regulate our primitive fight-or-flight response, as we size up threats.
A key part of the limbic system, it was once believed to play an important role in mating rituals and displays of dominance, when animals stood guard over their territory. 
... a defensive coping mechanism against antagonistic forces.

![amygd.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPHbX2d7FkTgrPygyjCRXkt1EKk7kGvjbU1gKPrpW3a3i/amygd.gif)


If we take away the dominance of the amygdala function, the higher functioning part of the brain can conceptualize - and thus, in doing so -  can make a game of things.
_Games... not war._
People who are not in touch  with that part of their 'higher brain' function, do not see it that way.
_Cannot_ see it that way.
They _cannot_ conceptualize it in the same ways, not when the amygdala functions are taking  a more prominent role.
When the amygdala is not _as_ engaged, then this gives more space, for conceptualization, with the higher brain functions taking a more prominent role.
A story teller, and a comedian telling jokes, are both examples of the higher brain being engaged).

#### But keep in mind....

 .....that  _both_ parts of the brain can be 'in action' at the same time....I'm very well aware of my own 'losing sight of the game' and this has been happening with myself, far too much, of late.

For which I apologize. 
 Not to the four people that ever  bother to read my posts,  oh no....but to my higher self. The real me.
I'm _better_ than my reptilian brain would have dictate.

 I _do_ apologize to anyone reading this, though -for me not _being my best_ . 
No excuse  for that. 
(Bastard amygdala, naughty amygdala).

Like I said, I'm genuinely grateful to @tarazkp 's contribution  in giving me the space, to _allow_ me the opportunity of getting to  know  myself even more..

It's been an interesting three years of my life, and I've learned more than you will ever know.

####  I'm not 'rage quitting', btw.

I _may_  be leaving Steem,  after this last few posts, but if I do- it's most certainly _not_ from anger.

Other emotions, maybe - but not anger. 
'Sadness' and 'disappointment' are the most probable headliners of that gig.
And, (slightly paradoxically)... a new enthusiasm.

_If_ I decide to, my reasons will be made clear...and to be honest? 
The reasons are becoming more compelling to do so...
![snap (3) - Copy - Copy.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSTg2cbbk3VUgY5psCR7cqwnCCa84QVdKcRv83hKWm9co/snap%20(3)%20-%20Copy%20-%20Copy.jpg)
(if fact, I'll write that post anyway, leaving or not...it's a very interesting look at things...)

I'm _am_  resigned to some realities though. No, not resigned, that's the wrong word.
> (......quickly checking thesaurus, because I'm buggered if I can think of the correct adjective....)

_Tolerant_ of  some realities, shall we say. This, neither, is a precise explanation to describe my emotion, but it'll do for now.
Am I _acquiescing_?, my ego quickly shouts over to me... (I still have the thesaurus up for 'resigned', lol).
No, it's not in my nature. Amygdala driven or otherwise.

BUT....I am  learning from people who have a  better perspective, a more advantageous one than myself, in how to engage the best tools, to realize their own ambitions.

![hh.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSQCPxSsKPP9b8zJvxWxGaXVkBnvmbcVBRMXW2sEhqC4S/hh.jpg)

###  Before ya'll think my profile has been taken over by some sycophantic alien life form,  or something, I can assure you that - 100%, - that  is not the case.



I'm taking stock of my position, and moving on. Knowing myself more.
Adapting.

####  Whether that will be with -or without-  Steem, is very much open to question.

But here is what I WILL be doing over this next few posts....

Some more of these  same 'stream of consciousness' ramblings!

I'll leave it there, for now....

I've lots of things written down already, and nearly 'posting ready', but that's for later, after rewriting them in the 'new me' perspective...
Same shit, different perspective.

###    _Have a really great Sunday everyone_, and yes, @tarazkp, that's to you to, mate. 
Peace.