![Backpacking my way and learn life as I see it.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmevye5WLxdMh2E3KVLc7xSRjEvsovkZcETqrZqaYb7y7e/Backpacking%20my%20way%20and%20learn%20life%20as%20I%20see%20it.jpg)



' It's okay to cry inside the plane' Said Z while assuring me that things are going to be fine.

Most of the time, my anxiety was caused by my forgetfulness and carelessness. I often feel very anxious that things won't go as planned. But I have learned enough to not give any expectation anymore. 

Prior to my boarding, I woke up somewhat late than I've previously planned. I obviously panicked because there were some other things I haven't packed including my laptop, its charger and couple of things. Well, In short, it was all messy and chaotic.

I left my flat at about 8 am and in a hurry. I hadn't even printed my boarding pass and I also reside somewhat farther from the airport. On the way to the printing place, I passed through a very slippery and muddy alley; Voila, I fell and hurt my knee. I thought to myself that it was some sort of omen that there will be things happening; and it's true.

Then, I sat back comfortably inside the Uber ride having a small chit chat while being anxious. My flight was supposed to board at 11 GMT+7 but then for no reason I didn't understand, It got delayed for 6,5 hours. 

Finally, at about 6 GMT+7  the plane was taking off. I recalled the memory of having my first flight, it was great experience during my rebellious days. Inside the flight, I sat next to a French couple which looked  somewhat like a picture perfect. And, they set me off to type and reflecting to my relationship and life.

If you have been following me, these days I travel often to actually runaway from my feeling and the unwillingness to stay alive. It's been a tough time and I am not easy with the whole heart situation. Previously, I had a very bad coping mechanism. I used to turn myself to indulgence of alcohol. Later on, having to experience brain fog, laziness, drowsiness, and all the troubles, I  decided that It's not sustainable and only hurt me in a long term.

It feels great to finally living the life I've always wanted. Formerly, I couldn't do it since there were things holding me back. I was too focused in a relationship that was trying to change the individual values of both of us. None was to blame because when we lived thousand miles apart, the differences were becoming apparent.  He love cold and I love the sun.

Up above thousand feet, I realized this is what I want.

# fly and go

And that was exactly his word when he decided to end the chapter. It was and still is hurt.But I guess love should never be selfish; or maybe it should because I have yet to figure. For the most part, we let each other venture the world in our own. Him discovering his life and I discover mine.  We had the time of our lives; being rebellious youngster, traveling against all odds.  It was fun while it lasted. Perhaps, we will meet in one of our future flight but we'll see about that.

Then, I gazed through the window pane that astonish myself with the bright lights from a strange land.  then I thought,

## There will always be a light in the darkness.

I still couldn't believe I finally do this. Traveling to a strange land on my own, figuring and learning life as I see it. The best thing of all, I am going to meet another Steemian  @joannewong and @aaronleang  who will pick me up from the airport. 

Malaysia is the first country in the old list I made about 3 years back. And since I have the opportunity to go and I book a flight without too much expectation nor anything in hand. I am bringing all the life lesson I previously learned and willing to always learn more on the road. 

That's all for now I guess, I am still exhausted with the whole trip and  follow me to read more about my adventure and misadventure I have on the road.

Cheers to many more flights,
With love, @macchiata

# Find me on |[Github](https://github.com/macchiata) | [Be Awesome](https://discord.gg/wMKq3MR)|

![witness_ @ocd-witness.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmNowzbY9HLauNj81LcNeJgW5YXtW8iw4H6zCrMnsnpHkz/witness_%20%40ocd-witness.jpg)

![witness_@stoodkev.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmf3AMRNCbcpQ16rVS5iRisGF9gj4aQLn9LhfnY5YKpe5T/witness_%40stoodkev.jpg)

![Macchiata.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmf7p476gwSK2xuW6nPzgGyfM3XHpwxcE3oZwnxuPfbRTx/Macchiata.jpg)