<div class = pull-right>https://steemitimages.com/DQmf97banvE7vdCpNPwSrgrtXF9Ht5hmDF74hwUe7cKXC4r/what%20would%20you%20do%20if%20you%20never%20had%20to%20worry%20about%20money-%20.png </div>The other day, I re-steemed an article from @pinaynomad about being an atheist in a dominated christian country. Religion, is indeed a very sensitive topic to begin with but I am going to step out a little bit and talk about it.
Often we have no choice than to grow up by our default life setting. As an illustration, My foster family was a religious Muslim so I grew up in a heavily Islamic teachings. I went to Islamic school which taught me to memorize some part of Quran, study and speak Arabic and other Islamic teachings for 6 years. During that period of time, I never question any single of its teaching. It's always easier being a simple follower and not to be a curious one.
As I moved to middle school, I started to witness some harsh life reality like child prostitution, teenagers drinking,smoking , also married by accident, I was exposed to all of these among my peers when I just stepped out of heavily Islamic school. It was quite a shock that I once thought everyone would instantly go to hell because sins which they've committed.
<h2>My Original Sin </h2>
The first time I went against the teaching was when I started to try out my first alcohol. It was when a family just came back from Sydney and brought a wine. We had a dinner and they served red wine on the table. At first, I thought it was just like syrup, so I took some sip.Then, we had conversation on the dining table and one of my cousin spoke about vodka and I should try because that certain vodka had some flavors. I was only 12 that time.
At first, I was purchasing beers with my cousin who showed me different brands and which one is good. I also found out that the cashier won't ask my age so I began to drink regularly on my own but later on, I decided to quit during my highschool year. It was also because the city banned alcohol from 24 hr convenient store which the laws is still going on till today.
That was the first time, I went astray from teachings that I used to learn.
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<h2>My Mid Teenage Year </h2>
I decided to devote my time praying 5 times a day alongside additional prayers. ' god is everywhere' , ' god will listen', ' god will help you out', ' god decide your fate' these were common phrase I heard in daily basis which now I don't believe in anymore. Regardless, I live by those phrase for 3 years continuously only to find I was the only one capable of changing my life and take control of it.
I was also enriching my knowledge as I began to question about my own beliefs.I began to read bible and bhagavad gita. Bhagavad gita was clearly difficult to understand. It was written in sanskrit with an English translation that was way above my understanding that time. Overtime, I learned that it's a really beautiful piece. Bible was something easy to understand, it shares quite similarity with what I've been taught for years. Alongside those book, I would read some Philosophical books that was explaining about creation, divinity and human. I couldn't quite remember all book I've read some of them were written by famous philosopher like Nietzsche, Plato and Karl max. I was also reading stories written by Kafka, Fyodor Dostoevsky, and George Orwell to name a few.
Books were my medium to explore the world and life beyond my understanding that time. I'd spent hours and hours in the library instead of class. This habit still continue till today where I found class to be extremely boring.
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<h2>Another Long Journey</h2>
As I went into college, my habit of reading grows more and My faculty library was filled with lots of book from Plato, Descartes, Karl Marx, Nietzsche to name a few. There were also some books about religious comparison and whole lot of classic novels which was the second or third edition. Those books were ancient and I spent hours skipping classes to read each of them until I remembered every part of the library.
So, During my first year, religious study was compulsory. There I wasn't learning about islamism anymore but to question and justify my own faith. My lecture began with two difficult question
<h1> " What is faith?" and " Why do you have faith?" </h1>
Instead of teaching us about Islamic moral values and what not, The lecture, was asking thought provoking question as to why we believe in what we believe. He explained further that one should not have blind belief and must seek a reasoning. He himself was a devoted Muslim. It was something surprising coming from a Muslim. Our reference was ' The Heart of Islam', a book written so vaguely talking about different god's in each abrahamic religion. I'd say the book was so vague because it was written like a spinning wheel without an end.
The class went on talking about differences in translating of God. In our language, god was referred as neutral, genderless, we believe that god is neither a male nor female. Yet in English translation God is referred as " He" so that means it has a gender.
It was explained that it has cultural influence as Male was ranked higher in society during that period. As the lecture went on I started reading more on world history and civilization. I started to question why man is put higher than a woman. My question was unstoppable flowing stream till I decided
" Okay let's cut the crap and experiments things I told I shouldn't be doing"
I started to take off my identity as muslim and embark on a journey opposing things I've been taught for years. I tried to seek reasoning and read more science. My classes were also enhancing what I've been searching. I am in love with my mythology and folklore class that I wished I could rewind.
There I learned that the idea of superior beings was used to refer something human couldn't understand back then about the magic of nature like lightning for instance. They know no science so they thought it was some sort of superior beings who caused lightning, a successful corps and etc.
So to say, I still have no answer to what is faith. I am leading a life where I have choices and I am conscious to be fully responsible of the cause from what I've chosen. I don't want to blindly believe in something especially some unseen things which people glorify everyday. I don't have the need to be told something is bad and plain bad. For the fact that not all of them are bad. Not to mention there are some theories from organized religion which are not applicable in real life and will make us being a real asshole.
I believe that to life, is to simply understand the nature itself. To understand what is seen instead of what's unseen. I don't need bunch of people telling me consuming pork is plain forbidden with all of their reasons. I have the same reasons why it's good and why being a blind follower is bad. It's all again very subjective.
I started to tell my friend to step out of their tiny world. Some of them followed me. They seemed to be more liberated. Likewise, I met all sort of people. The one who appears like religious one? no, they're not. they just pretending and is really good with that which pointed me to don't judge book by its cover. I met numerous people who wears certain attribute but then came to me and said " god doesn't exist, when I needed help bleeding in the bathroom at 3 am crying to myself" and other question that they know according to what they believe, they shouldn't be doing the first place.
<h1> Proud Heathens</h1>
Crazy, yeah that's the only thing I can define for what has been going on.I live in place which grows to be more radical each year. We are forced by society to pick one of 6 religions to fill our ID. Cell blocks and Iron bars are going to be our house for about 2 years if we come up to the surface with our identity as godless. Thread of being murdered is definitely high. People like heathens, tried to keep things low but we just couldn't accept the stupidity caused by religious people who fail to understand their own religious concept. The best thing we can do? shut up and move on. We tried to escape the society, we don't belong in a very hostile place for people who simply don't pick one of 6 religions listed. Politics started getting involved and things are getting messed up.
Looking back, We were bunch of naked tribes, invaded by hinduism, buddhism, christianity then islamism who tried to have a solid grip over our land. They did it. We also forgot to look back where religion was never a thing. We forgot that during wars, religion was put aside because our heroes were trying to save their land. Survival instinct doesn't care about religion.
On the whole, I am leading a life against what my society been telling me for years. It's fun to go on a roller coaster ride and being real. I'd simply listen people's advice if only they're logical and have enough reasoning. If it's affiliated to unseen being I'd really pass.
<h1> To live is to exist. </h1>