![9vWp6aU4y8kwSZ9Gw15LFL3aMdhmgmBBFMpDJregpdP328ijsxPSBorEQnNPzNmF7yrLLVjRqr8GSG6MDCC9eDAKTXQwXbKqEry7pAbLqnt9hH3tubmGJj27fkYvbE7pegV69gbCpYiN8oGHk (1).jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmen6qHThboUBcLE8VF1jjQziYy423DpyWt31ZaP4Yogrh/9vWp6aU4y8kwSZ9Gw15LFL3aMdhmgmBBFMpDJregpdP328ijsxPSBorEQnNPzNmF7yrLLVjRqr8GSG6MDCC9eDAKTXQwXbKqEry7pAbLqnt9hH3tubmGJj27fkYvbE7pegV69gbCpYiN8oGHk%20(1).jpeg)

*Ach it's good to be home!*

Exclaimed my good friend *Dougal McStromlin.* He reached out his Whisky glass and clinked it against mine and we both took a hearty swig. He was a fine fellow *Dougal* despite having a face like a smoker's morning phlegm.

We were in the club, celebrating *Dougal's* return with a *Gentleman's breakfast.* He had spent some time in the Americas and I was keen to hear of his experiences.

*So what did you get up out there, old fellow? You've been gone for ages?*

I took a contented puff from my pipe and blew it out above our heads. I may have been drunk but I fancied I could see the shape of a Rhino's penis in the smoke.

![yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXL8gPAQfK7YyP4eF1nDWchPywAnEs11GPU2wm1AFDkWz/yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771.jpg)

*Dougal* nodded.

*Aye, that is right. I was setting up my charitable foundation, *The McStromlin Trust,* took a while to get going.*

I curled my lip in distaste at the mention of charity. He had never seemed the type in the past. I wondered if he had gone soft in the head or met a woman or some such.

*A charitable foundation? Whatever for?*

Dougal grinned like a dog licking testicles.

*Well, between you and me it's all a bit of a tax wheeze!*

*Ah. Now that makes sense!*

I raised my glass to his and we downed the rest of our drink.

*More Whisky!*

I roared at the nearby waiter who, despite standing nearby, had not come running when he saw our glasses emptying, as he was glued to his mobile phone.

![yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110162704934.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaCysYtQmC7LCHbv9xKAFR1o1BvoX5oWGdm2bY2JBoDAp/yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110162704934.jpg)

The peonic waiter fellow tucked his phone away and came trotting over with another bottle of Lagavulin.

*Sorry, sirs.*

Muttered the sponny young peon, filling our glasses up.

I ignored him and tilted my chin to Dougal. 

*So is this something you would recommend then? I mean, I have most of my accounts in the Caymans but you know, I am ever open to another dodge.*

*Dougal* nodded grimly.

*Aye man, I would do it if I were you. Taxes are for the poor and unwashed. We are gentlemen, we shouldn't have to pay such nonsense.*

*Hmm, I will look into it.*

I mused absent-mindedly. My gaze had followed the peonic waiter as he returned to the nearby alcove and buried his head in his phone again. 

I looked around, the club was empty. Not surprising, given that it was just after ten in the morning. A *Gentleman's breakfast* was not for the faint-hearted.

![yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110163112179.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcwpaYNpAhboeWLFACduhaA2qcvss8qxcGiSpfGFKwBtc/yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110163112179.jpg)

*You absolutely should, Boomy, old chap. Just pick some random charity nonsense as your 'cause' and Bob is your Uncle. Might get you a bloody knighthood too. The Queen loves that shit. Any ideas for what you might choose?*

*Dougal* scratched his arse vigorously. 

*I do have an idea actually. I have always thought to help those less advantaged than ourselves. You know, giving a lending hand to the peons, as it were.*

*Dougal* stopped scratching his arse and reached out for his glass to raise in another toast. 

*A Lending Hand, there is the name of your Foundation right there, Boomy, you clever bastard!*

![yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110164623150.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTvjfZMRLswL3yZihSS1EaxxaS4YBkNp9W5j8JXVq69Qz/yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110164623150.jpg)

*Yes, I do like that actually.*

I smiled and together we downed our glasses, slapping them down on the table with gusto. 

*Dougal* looked over at the phone fixated waiter.

*What the fucking  fucks, man. He is a bit slow isn't he? OI! Get over here!*

He yelled at the peon. 

I chuckled in approval. 

The waiter came running over phone in one hand and bottle of whisky in the other.

*Sorry, sirs. I am expecting a call from my wife and...*

*Dougal* snatched the phone from his hand.

*What? Expecting a call from your wife? When there are gentlemen present that require whisky?! Outrageous!*

He got up and swayed over to the nearby open window. 

*Hey, give me my phone back!*

The waiter chased *Dougal* to the window, squeaking in horror as Dougal flung the phone out of it. I sighed and got up to follow them both. 

*That's the latest iPhone, it cost me a fucking fortune!*

The waiter wailed as he leaned over the window sill gazing down at his shattered phone several floors below. 

I nudged *Dougal* and gave him a cheery nod.

*Young ones nowadays, can't live without their bloody phones for a minute, eh!*

*Dougal* laughed. 

The waiter turned, his face purple with rage.

*You pair of obnoxious fucking bastards. Damn right, I can't live without my phone, so fucking what? You had better cough up for a new one, sharpish.*

I leered like a cat on a stick. 

*Dougal, throw that window open a bit wider would you?*

*With pleasure, Boomy!*

Exclaimed *Dougal,* shoving the window till it gaped wide. 

*Can't live without it eh?*

I exclaimed merrily to the peon, grabbing his lapels. 

*What, let go of me, what, the... aaahggh!?*

I hefted the peon up and out of the window with a grunt. 

![yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110162948348.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdmy4QuYn3JRoSd2QF3ybXhU9VXamNBNwtz7yYkUE2rCi/yxcyxydyc_20190110162237771_20190110162948348.jpg)

There was a distant wet thud from the ground below.

*Dougal* looked out at the sploppy mess the peon had made, way below. 

*Oops. Poor chap slipped right over.*

I nodded in agreement.

*Such a shame but yes. I will get his wife's address and send her a boiled ham and some flowers.*

*You are faultlessly kind, Boomy. Where did you learn to be such a gentleman?*

I giggled and took a puff of my pipe.

*Ah, Dougal. I couldn't possibly say. After all...*

![99pyU5Ga1kwqSXWA2evTexn6YzPHotJF8R85JZsErvtTWXcpvdERUGjJusdaega4wtKMmrgCPdbwmibpYrxtJefHoq3rtV3egwGqW8zobb1iik4zPBYzJ6k8MGaZQQoAtN (1).jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmZess1UdquNEUnHd45Ly37ss2tYUmqGzH64YY61cqAxcs/99pyU5Ga1kwqSXWA2evTexn6YzPHotJF8R85JZsErvtTWXcpvdERUGjJusdaega4wtKMmrgCPdbwmibpYrxtJefHoq3rtV3egwGqW8zobb1iik4zPBYzJ6k8MGaZQQoAtN%20(1).jpeg)