The 1990’s were an interesting time of hope. When I look back, it seems almost as if this decade is in another dimension of time. I remember the feeling that my awareness, and society’s awareness were suddenly opening to a new level of thought and knowledge, and paranormal, spiritual and metaphysical subjects started to become popular, among other things. To this day, I STILL remember the cover of either Time or Newsweek magazine that said something to the effect of, ‘The Science of our Known Universe Behaves According to HABITS, not Absolutes.’ 

In 2018 things have changed SO much that its hard to imagine society having such an open mind. I think a headline like this today would be seen as blasphemy or fake news, but in the late 1990’s such an idea seemed credible. We saw some interesting things in that decade. It was when the Internet manifested in our daily lives for the first time. New archeological discoveries and more complete pictures of our fossil record surfaced. The military’s use of Technical Remote Viewing came to light. Remember the Shoemaker Levy 9 comet that hit Jupiter in July 1994? Observing this event opened an entire paradigm of catastrophic possibility that had been discounted in previous decades by science.

In 1997, I moved to Kalispell, Montana from Denver. Husband and 10 month old baby in tow. I say ‘I’ because in a sense, it really was my undertaking. Making this happen. We had been staying up late listening to the Art Bell Show, and connecting to other like minded people during that time and based on things that were happening, we felt that … things were about to change in a very big way in the world. Earth Changes and End Times scenarios were showing up on the horizon. We were big fans of Archeological Journalist Graham Hancock and Remote Viewing Guru Ed Dames.
 
Here’s where things get really interesting … what was really happening. Remote Viewing, as the establishment has controlled it, has been used to chart the course of history by a select few, for personal gain. It is what you would call Conflict of Interest, yes, in capital letters. Optimal Near Term investment meant cheating on the lottery or else, stealing the manifestation pathways of other human beings. Don’t discount its role in things that you find yourself wondering just how the heck did things turn out the way they did up until now. And yet I have learned from my own experiences that everything happens for a reason.  So what I am saying here is that there DEFINITELY WERE things on the horizon that did not happen as expected, and I am telling you that it isn’t because the original predictions about these events were wrong. 

I tend to have very strong opinions about right and wrong. God has quite a sense of humor. As I found myself championing the causes I was being thrown into affecting the outcomes of in my own life, I was also always shown the reason things were as they were. What the silver linings were.  It can be really difficult to reconcile your negative feelings about something and then come to find out that it was a good thing in the end that it happened that way. I think though, that the idea is to be thankful in some way for the past and let it go with grace and gratitude in order to embrace change. It has been a process.

So by 1997 I had in my mind the idea of pulling together with other people into a community situation where we would all work on our survival together in a safe place. We were looking at eventually pooling resources and buying land and building an earthship … we became friends with a couple that had built one in southern Colorado and from their example, it became a real goal for us. Earthships are low cost structures that use environmental principles wisely along with alternative power sources … the idea is sustainability. We mentioned our plan to everyone we were close with, and a couple of friends and one family member decided to join us. So we rented a house just outside of Kalispell, Montana. 

So very many things happened between 1997 and 2012… I seriously need to find my place in opening stories from this time. I am thinking I will go back. Generally speaking … this awakened psychic ability in me that began in Denver around the time of my first Saturn Return took over my life and became a serious force to recon with. As I said, I so often felt like I was just along for the ride. I took up keeping a personal journal, and I wrote about my experiences on a website that my husband and I put together. 

In the year or so before we left Denver, I had encountered a lot of personal changes! First I retired from my career with the FDIC/Resolution Trust Corpororation with a small buyout package. I got married and had my first child. And this other thing was happening to me all at the same time – I am having a hard time explaining it or getting to this part of the story, what it was like. “Becoming Psychic.” Sometimes I wonder at why change for me is so overwhelming, always so much happening at once. When it rains it pours. But I think it comes down to, half of the craziness keeps me distracted enough to keep moving forward with the other crazy half that I might otherwise have trouble dealing with. Or so I have a hard time questioning things.

I had had quite a few paranormal experiences as a child. In fact, my parents were always into weird stuff like, Transcendental Meditation (as a family we attended classes when I was maybe 8 or 9?) … I remember a phase of interest in pyramid magic. My dad was Catholic but my mom pushed us all into New Age religion. Science of Mind by Earnest Holmes was the church we attended when I was growing up. I remember going through some old boxes in the basement one time and finding my parents' ‘Kreskin ESP' kit, and my mom was always testing me for psychic ability. 

When I was I think, 12 … there was a fire in my neighborhood on Christmas. A house up the street caught fire due to an electrical problem with their Christmas tree, and they weren’t home at the time. So it really got going and took most of the house. My dad was a career Denver Fire Fighter but was off duty that day, at home. I was the one who walked out the front door and spotted the fire, got the adults’ emergency attention, and then my dad took over directing the scene as we all waited for the local fire department to show up. We were having a big family Christmas celebration, so our house was full of guests and we all became bystanders at this event over several hours. So it was a big deal. 

The thing was, just a couple of days earlier I had dreamed it. Which seriously freaked me out when it actually happened, although it wasn’t nearly as bad in real life as it was in my dream. Now I wonder if I didn’t somehow change the event by experiencing it in my dreams before it manifested in reality, to lessen the intensity of the event. Which is what I do. In my dream (that I still remember), the entire subdivision was on fire.

So here’s where I am trying to tame the path of my story. Do I want it to be about my psychic ability and my experiences, or do I want it to be about other things? How to weave the different parts of it all together and maybe make a slight adjustment in the focus of it? Hopefully I can tie it all together in a way that makes sense. But before I dive into an overwhelming tide of fantastic and in some cases hard to believe stories, I want to set another tone. 

I am looking back now at a serious mental breakdown five years ago. That is where all of this eventually led to. Have you ever woken up to a point in your life, and been forced to ask yourself just how the hell did I get here?

In Part I, I mentioned my husband. I was starting out the story at the beginning of it, or what I had believed was the beginning of it at one point. I mean, he certainly seemed to be the most significant catalyst for all of it – placating me into a situation of trust and intimacy that I fell for so blindly, hook line and sinker. He encouraged and brought out abilities that I didn’t know I had, and validated the direction I was going with them, or where we seemed to be going with it all together. With some very powerful results. I looked up to him. He mentored me in many ways but I think eventually I outpaced him. But I had thought myself so lucky to have found someone so knowledgeable, gifted and trustworthy to keep me company on this fascinating journey! 

I was in love with my life and the things I was doing, the person I had become. The new feelings of connection I found to everything, becoming a healer, getting to homeschool my own precious children, really making a difference in the world and getting to grow as a human being and affect growth and healing of people and things around me. I just … I can’t believe now, looking back that I was so gullible, that I fell for it all. And yet in my defense, the things that happened to me as a psychic were so shocking most of the time, and I was so overwhelmed with responsibility that I barely if ever had time to come up for air, until it was too late. I was willing to take the bad with the good. I think it was all part of somebody’s well -constructed plan.

I think, when you find yourself truly a victim, it is the hardest thing in the world to admit to yourself. The shock alone can be devastating. Emotions can be so conflicting … wanting to be free of the situation but feeling ashamed of facing judgment from others or facing reality, not to mention, being just plain scared.  In my case, my life has become something so out of the ordinary, that it can be hard to even scratch the surface openly being myself with other people, although I did break down and share my story with my parents last year - what life has really been like for me over the last 20 or so years. 

Then there are normal questions, things like, why does this situation still exist and how did things get so far out in the first place?  How do I get out of it? You get tricked by your own healing patterns to believe it is all something that it isn’t. Like, if I’m still here there must be a reason. Or there must be something unresolved inside me that keeps me here that I still need to deal with. We tend to think it is all on us to save ourselves - we got ourselves in so we have to get ourselves out. What do you do when you wake up to having jumped in so deep to a wrong situation, that you can’t get out of it? Also what is the silver lining in a situation like this? 

In his defense, it’s not all on him. My husband was part of a bigger picture, an organized group of people that set about with a plan to rule the world by undermining most of it. I believe he accepted a very large amount of money in bribes over the years, for controlling me, after he was ‘placed’ in my life, but he has never told me the truth. There was a point of reckoning where I realized that how I was able to affect 'things' with my abilities was truly significant in terms of steering the world out of some very scary places, and I wanted help and guidance. I was fully hoping and expecting to be approached by people with resources and support for us, but not bribes. Sad that this was probably gullible of me, to expect a rescue without long strings attached - what is weird is that I don't think it even crossed my mind. I didn’t believe he was controlling anything, that it was all me, all my fault, all my choice – I thought I was so strong willed. The big lie. Then later I think he was blackmailed by the same people who controlled the situation in the first place. 

I believe he could be facing criminal charges. My tarot cards told me that he should be arrested because he isn’t sorry about anything he has done. I see no hope for a future patch to our marriage, but I have worked really hard to recover myself from the breakdown, and maintain peace in hopes of an amicable divorce; not losing contact with my children, and even the possibility of a reliable friendship with him as part of the same community. I used to visualize us both remarrying but staying close, where we were all good friends and sacred family. It hurts terribly to think that I am just kidding myself… based on all of the things we have been through together. The scariest part in recent times is being at the mercy of life threatening situations that are so traumatic that just coping with the reality of them takes everything. Not to mention being trapped and unable to survive on my own … these are the things that keep me here in this prison. I would hope... my view of this working out for the best, would be him being forced to testify against the New World Order and me somehow finding a way to survive without him. It has become a very sick cycle that needs to be broken.

I withdrew from the real world only to find myself in an isolated trap. My healing process often found me at odds with the world, the very thing that fueled my abilities. So for the first 15 years of my marriage, I was one person; a credible psychic healer and writer, a loving wife and mother, a devoted homeschool mom and community volunteer. Then overnight I had become someone else to him. I was labelled as a delusional, paranoid schizophrenic who had all of a sudden ruined the lives of my husband and children just for being who I was, all along. 

I tell ya. That one. It never, ever would have happened had I not been fooled – I never would have married someone violent and abusive. It all crashed in late 2012 when I believe his ‘masters’ came to check up on us and suddenly everything changed. This is when the eye contact tractor beam was broken and way more than that. I had a serous mental breakdown and we were forced to put our kids in public school. It is certainly possible that the violence that surfaced in my husband so suddenly was brought on by the extreme stress on his end! The rug was pulled out from under all of our lives. It is no wonder to me that I had this mental breakdown. The last five years of my life have been spent in recovery, but ‘the work’ (and the manipulation and control from others) has never really stopped.

If I had a choice whether or not to do it all over again, would I? There’s that confused place. Being grateful for everything on the path that got me here and made me the person I am today.

I tell these offshoots of the main story because I am talking to people surrounding me, explaining what's going on from my own viewpoint, since my connection with the world has become controlled and isolated, more so in recent months. Censorship and bullying around me being able to simply be myself in the safety of my own home has become quite an issue ... no doubt this is one of the reasons I turn to writing. It didn't used to be this way and I am defiant. Is it more complex than all of this, between my husband and I? Of course! I just didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea from one chapter to the next. Especially as I go into the details of my life story - he has been a huge part of it all and I don't know if any of it would have happened, or happened as it did, without him. I am approaching the human aspects of it all from different angles since there are no doubt, many sides of the story and probably all of them are worth exploring to some extent. The idea being the presentation of a complete and truthful account. 

Ps. I often go back and edit my writing. Sometimes its good to go over things several times and for me as well.


Here's a link to an alternative view of schizophrenia, FYI
https://steemit.com/psychology/@mymoontao/new-years-eve-rant