I can still remember the very last word you said when you left. You said you wanted time out and even said our relationship has already taken a lot from you that it changed you so much. At that time,I don't know what you meant,I can only hear the sound of my heart pounding so hard that I thought I'm going to loose my breathe. It was so painful and I thought it will be unbearable. When you left,you took half of my life with you. Our plans,my dreams of you proposing to me,my vision of our wedding,all gone. Honey I even thought I will not be able to get over you. Hearing that you are going out already with friends and enjoying your life without me in it,almost killed. It is indeed painful.
While I was stuck here in my room thinking about my what if's,what if I didn't allow you to leave,what if I have asked for a day or perhaps a week for you to think about me and our relationship? It might be worth a try but I didn't dare. Not for one minute I have thought of your happiness and if this is what you really wanted I can't say no,right? I stayed in my room for a month thinking you might still come back,how painful could that be. I don't think I could compare it to the pain I caused you before. But why? Why did you have to promise to stay by me and then later on you will say you need time and space? I could not dare to ask you. I might get your answer and it might double the pain.
Our memories haunted me,but I have decided to set you free already and I mean it. Months had passed and since you haven't contacted me,you even blocked me in your messenger that I can't even send you messages. You were a bit cruel there love. But I have began to realize that I can't stay this way always. I have to pick up my broken pieces and start to move forward with out you. And step by step,slowly I am no longer that affected anymore. It isn't that hurtful like it was before. It now hurts a bit but not that much. Then something happened last night,and it changed my beliefs. I just thought I have recovered completely from the pain.
All of a sudden you sent me a message and ask if you could come over and talk to me. I just felt a teardrops ran down my face. It felt so different and i felt so affected again. Why would you want to talk to me,I asked. You said you wanted to ask forgiveness and give me your last hug. I know,I saw it in you Facebook posts,you found a new one already and I know you just wanted closure. Well she's quite a beauty too and she looks kind as well. I can only be happy for you although I feel so jealous. I asked for your forgiveness because I can't allow my children to see you again and put a painful memory in their mind. Its enough that I know you are already happy,because honestly I am happy if you are happy. Maybe someday and some other time I can face you again without blinking and we ca even be friends again. This girl has to keep moving on so for the sake of my sanity I have to say no to seeing you. I might stop you from seeing her,I even compare her to me and how I can love you even more that she can do. I asked my self,is it worth seeing you again one more time? Nah I don't think so,I will just go back from being sad and frustrated again. And that will be unfair me and you. So I'm so sorry that I can't see you anymore. Don't worry I am not angry in fact I am happy. So lets all move on and pray that everything will be alright in the future for the both of us.
