Last month I published an article titled; *["The Epiphany [part 1/2] Everyone is Equal - WISHFUL THINKING OR CRUEL DELUSION?"](https://steemit.com/perception-dynamics/@shello/the-epiphany-part-1-2-everyone-is-equal-wishful-thinking-or-cruel-delusion)* that started with my belief that **anything can be accomplished if we want it enough**, but ended with the notion that  some of my greatest accomplishments—went unnoticed to myself. If you haven't had a chance to check out part one yet, the link is provided above. 

I began noticing something enticingly perplexing about my past, and how it got to be that way. The old adage and even meme in recent days; *"Fake it til you make it"* has allowed me to end up in more than a fair share of strange situations that I was **in no way qualified for.** What made my version of make-believe distinct from being *just another poser* may only be for the fact that I **did** want it enough—even when it wasn't my current reality. 


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 <sub>*Kawaii-Kon 2018*. In cosplay, everyone dresses up and pretends to be their favorite gaming or anime character.</sub></center>

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# What This Article is Not About
* Purchasing expensive clothing and possessions to appear "rich" to peers
* Faking hobbies and interests that you don't care about, and will not be caring about
* Changing yourself and who you **are** to gain approval and impress others

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# You Owe it To Yourself to Play Make-Believe
Now there's nothing in there that says you can't impress **yourself.** When we're younger and asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, we were far less concerned with how we looked to others—placing utmost importance on what we wanted to do. Dancing, singing, playing, and most importantly **mimicking** what we wanted to be in life. 

Where we currently are and where we want to be may appear impossibly different from one another, but we need to remember that we have to be **bad at something first** before becoming skilled. Forget becoming **skilled**, how will we even be bad if we *never try*?  

I'm always rambling on about how **why** you do anything is infinitely more important than "what". That's what I like about Plato and his thoughts on **virtue**. You could have two people do the same thing, but the result would be different based on what types of virtues and morals the person held. We can do amazing things for shitty reasons, as we can do the mundane with higher values at heart. A secret that takes most years to learn is that the reasons behind a task can be told apart by the right observer. We all want to go from *"zero to hero"*, but forget that there is a methodology to arrive there. 

How are you going to try if you don't first believe? I literally thought I was stupid, so I always procrastinated on my homework—sometimes not even start, because everything was "too hard" for me to learn. I mean why bother? I remember starting to ask myself what an **A student** would do. How would *they* reply? When would *they* study? 

Even if there was nothing in **my current situation**  to reinforce the desire but my passion in wanting it, I started doing what I thought an **A student** would do, because I wanted nothing more than to improve my grades. We shouldn't punish ourselves for wanting more in our lives. I'm laughing at my past ignorance now. 

<center>![shello steemit grades.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZFjfjn1DRPLSGmWFbekQMu6ewBcMvwsNBuAYmVARTvyy/shello%20steemit%20grades.png)</center>

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<center><h3>The only time that <i>"fake it til you make it"</i> doesn't work is<br>when you fake your passions and desires—lying to yourself.</h3></center>

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# Faking it For the Right Reasons
I've been overcome by feeling like a fake, fraud, and underqualified for the things **my soul wanted most**. How do we deal with the fear of being "found out", or "not good enough" for what we are aiming for by mimicking and pretending? You remember that phrase; "You become the things you think about the most"? 

<h5><i>Let me remix that for you...</i></h5>

If you think about the admiration you'll be getting through **deception**, then sorry—your thoughts are focused on deception, that's what you get to become. In school, I wasn't trying to look for a way to simply *appear* smarter... I wanted to become "a student with good grades", so I started doing the things I thought would make it happen. 

When you have been in a craft for an extended period of time—depending on the circumstances, you may feel like you are living a lie. These are true in times we feel **unqualified** and **unworthy** of where we presently are. Another beautifully terrifying secret I've learned is that; the people that put you into these situations ALREADY KNOW you're not qualified, but presented you the opportunity anyway. They do this because you have the potential that someone "who does it for real" has, and the passion to match and in some cases **beat** the ones who actually do it for real. 


I'm only now understanding what opportunity is and how in order to make it to that point, there is **authenticity**. The seed that planted you there is real, **your dream is real**—so be confident and grow that plant.  

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# I Had My Own Office at 17
Not a cubicle, my own air-conditioned office that I could pop in and out at anytime. I was on salary, and worked 9 am to 9 pm Mondays through Fridays. My job title; Bookkeeper. This was fantastic, except I didn't know what Excel was, how to write professional emails, or how to do invoices. 

Did my boss care?

**Nope.**
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I learned about demographics, designed a trademark, a website, did all the invoices for independent contractors, and made spreadsheets. The company I worked for did specialty woodwork to design high-quality speakers that can play vinyl just as clear as mp3s. Each set was custom made—including the types of wood and finishes. I almost lost my mind when my boss (the CEO) asked me if I wanted to learn circuitry and how to make the PCBs (printed circuit boards) that went into the products. 

I ended up leaving this company, on what I now refer to as *my first mental breakdown*. If this offer wasn't enough for me to question my competency, I was requested to help with another task as well. I was asked to be the company representative for our new product line... In New York City, at a trade show—by myself.  

*Excuse me?* I'm <b>17</b>, and I'm a girl. I wasn't even trained for this kind of work. I started to think that this opportunity was too big for me, when there are people twice my age doing what I'm doing. I left, no notice. The CEO pleaded with my mom for a week, both of them wanting me to take this offer. I was more concerned with what they would think when they realized I was unqualified. 

**Secret**, he knew I wasn't qualified. We were friends at a bar I used to frequent, and he offered me this job after finding out that I had an interest in computers, and didn't want to scoop icecream for the rest of my life. Everything I wanted to learn, I worked tirelessly to achieve. That's why he selected me, not because I had papers indicating what my abilities were, but because I **showed** him the potential of my abilites. 

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<h3>There have been so many times in my past where I felt like  I was *the biggest fake in the world*, even when my passion burned to the **touch**.</h3>

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# I Was a Lead Technician for an Arcade
that supervised men in their 40's. I was in my early 20's at the time. The story behind this one is that I used to work as a cashier at my favorite arcade in Honolulu, and on top of having a fascination with arcade cabinets, I was an avid arcade gamer. I would hang out with my favorite technician (his name was Jesse, and he was a rhythm gamer!) and ask him what he was doing, or why he was doing a particular thing on a machine. He ended up leaving the company. 

One night during an event, one of our machines went down—I left the cashier booth and repaired it with what I learned. The owner of the company saw me repair the game, while the actual technician was dicking around in the downstairs office. I was promoted to head of the tech staff, and could make my own hours (within certain days though). My only job was to make sure that the other members of the tech team were actually doing their job, and not trying to milk their hours and bullshit the company. *Fun story*, there is no "formal" arcade technician training. We had one guy who was a locksmith and another who was an electrician.  

Looking back, those guys **hated** me. If they said that something would take long to work on, I would find out if this "part" is actually broken they way they said it was. My owner realized that I wanted the games working more than anyone because I was an enthusiast, and gave me a title and pay to ensure it. 

I think that the coolest part of this whole ordeal, was that I was given a mentor. *Not just anyone either*. The owner of Family Fun Arcade, [one of the most famous arcades in California](http://www.laweekly.com/arts/family-fun-arcade-prepares-to-close-after-four-decades-as-a-granada-hills-hangout-2374001) for 40 + years, until it's close around 2013. **Ralph Senhert**, a legend—flew to Hawaii for a summer to teach me how to repair arcade games! It was one of the most enjoyable times of my life. I can bring games back from the dead, with what I learned **because**  I wanted to learn.

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<center><h5>Believing hard enough to make something into your reality is <br>one of the **strongest** moves in self-love.</h5></center>

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# Do Your Best To Make It
Even now as I write this, not sure if I'm a great writer or content creator. I want to believe it, so I'm down to **pretend.** If your passion is real, then reality will eventually catch up to it. Don't see it as being a fake as much as you can see it as **acting out** what you want to be when you ~~you grow up~~ self-actualize. It doesn't cost anything to do, and you have nothing to lose by trying to do the things "the ideal you" would do. 

This lesson is relevant to my life now, and **the missing step** that was stopping me from actualizing my goals before. The key is confidence. **No one** is confident 100%—all of the time. And I like to imagine that a lot of the confidence we see is something like this. 

*How can you tell the difference between real confidence and <b>make-believe</b>?*
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>The secret is that you can't. 

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<center>![dont just dream it.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmcJ38oFku4KKa5rZt6DYjjreoV8ikoNDL1cywshiRJwb9/dont%20just%20dream%20it.png)<br>If it's your real desire, you **are** more than worthy.</center>