good post. I really like it, always success brother

Nice to see your post.realy nice job.

Really like this post.thanks a lot for sharing a beautiful story.it will be liked to all.beacuse it will be realize.keep sharing.thank you.go ahead

Wow...interesting on here
Though i find it difficult to understand stuffs written..

This is very sad. Suicide is never an option 😢😢😢

This is a profoundly moving meditation on grief, written with rare sensitivity and the kind of prose that nearly stops your heart with moments of quiet, anguished beauty.

nice your post i will done upvote

Nice story..
It'd better be fictional

educative post.......sourcefull too......creative mind...@stellabelle

Story behind the story.......very heart touching....thanks for sharing @stellabelle

It is very moving to read this letter
I love the style with which you wrote this letter ... and especially the drawing which is very expressive.

thanks for sharing @stellabelle

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Wow this is a wonderful piece ...literally help my tears back. So touching 

>"I belong to everyone and no one"

These were the same words used by our president when he was newly elected ,to let the cabals who put him in power know that he was a man of his own and belonged to know one and at the same time belonged to everybody . These where his exact words 

>I Belong to nobody and I belong to everybody...

You are not the only one that is of *two beasts*, everyone is.. Except that they may not refer them as beasts.. It's what makes us human, it's what makes life life interesting and individually unique. But in all things, we hope that our good sides win.

**still thinking of what to type.......! Let me say this was full of sad story.**

**what captivate my mind was the type of writing type. I love seeing people having a unique was of doing this. Hmm, his letter is always attach with a drawing. What a wonderful way of doing things.**

**this made me to remember Michael in the movie prison break, his style of encoding message was too good. A born  genius,thanks for sharing it**.

besides, writing in journals every morning, with no purpose other than releasing those demons in pages that are never read, for me it also works to invent self loving rituals, like burning scented candles and drawing mandalas, or classical music and sketches without lifting my pencil from paper and following the music, or whatever idea I get that reminds me I love art, life and my messy mind.

You are deep Stellabelle!  

I read your words and I try to immerse myself into the feeling that oozes from them and I feel a sadness that I am familiar with. Not so dark yet familiar. 

I hope you found closure since Nao 's death. 

Most times, certainty is not a luxury man can afford,  you live your life and whichever beast emerges victorious does so. 

I hope the one that is good. 

♥

I don't understand 😔 😔, hope you r OK, please be OK.

I love so much the art style, I hope you have time to do more :) and about your friend "protect your energy" and don't think about worst case scenarios, you made it through the worst part of your life, I made it too, maybe he also made it ...

I am telling myself, " this is not true" because it is what I call cold experience. I am always weary of death issues and I feel confused every time anxiety and other mystery stuffs make you think about life from different views.

I don't even think I am coherent enough and its because your thoughts as written and experienced hit close to my heart.

Yes good @stellabelle

That's a chilling message to receive back from the dead, and full of thoughts and emotions that would have been lost to you forever if they had been received.

I often miss the freedom of expression possible with letters  (and love notes passed in school hallways). Especially on unlined paper, where there need be no boundaries between words and illustration.

The best always will win. It is interesting that your life is like an adventure filled with varieties of events. I have often heard that most writers have vast experiences which when coupled with some imagination creates a bestseller. It seems to bring out the best in the natural given talent that made them survive whatever horrors fate had lined up for them. My dad was always fascinated with Edgar Alan Poe and W. Somerset Maugham; it was just of late that I find what made these men fascinating. 
The Japenese part of your experience is a new one that I just got to read. Thank you for sharing.

I couldn't help the tears while reading this story. My hand is still shaking as I'm even typing. 
Just keep doing good. The Lord will help you

Which one will win? The one you feed.

I emphasize with this one. In some of the depression support group that I am in we were assigned a partner who would share our darkness. 

The Philippines is one of those countries that mental issues like depression are not taken seriously by the public. 

We ar left to understand and care for our own kind. The hardest thing to do is to wait patiently on the other line as you call your partner and they don't pick up. 

You hurry to their house always expecting the worse. Some of the others don't make it. The demons in their head eventually win making harder on those that resolve to live on. 

Steemit has been wonderful with keeping me busy with community building with @ ankarlie with @steemitfamilyph and also with scouting for @promo-mentors.

It is not the long term solution but what's important is I am here now. I am not okay but hopefully I will be.

Wow! You are a great writer. The post is classic and touchy, I admire your choice and use of words; and your multilingual.

You write: "*Night visions uncover their terror blankets and hold my eyes wide open, hold me hostage to my peaceful sleep and force down a fear-laden drink, one that induces horror sights, grotesqueries of all imaginable shapes and sizes. They are shown to me over and over. There's no bed in which the visions find rest. They loom on the horizon of terror and spring up when their fancy strikes.*"

This is so meaningful and powerful to me. Due to my CPTSD, I experience this frequently. Less now that before, but there was a point where I was afraid my mind would take over and I would do some of those things I saw in my grotesque visions. That I would hurt myself or someone I love, or worse, mutilate or kill myself or them. I had a lot of these when feeling rage or feelings of punishment, because of the narcissist who abused me using blood and gore from films to get me into a specific state. 

You describe those thoughts and visions perfectly and poetically. I still get them sometimes when I experience rage and feelings of punishment attached to an emotional flashback, but they no longer have the hold on me that they once had. 

The nightmares were not suppressed, they were not put to bed, but they were replaced by dreams of visions of cuteness and love. Love is more powerful than fear, even if they are both the most primal and primary emotions. Love is replacing fear and is healing all the places where fear crept in.

Hmmn.... I'm afraid to say this has spoiled my night, it's a sad story, and unfortunately it's real...

Nothing trumps being connected to someone deeply and after leaning on them for comfort only to never be heard of again and more so, not knowing what happened to them with imaginations running wild. I can relate with that. 

Maybe he pulled through, maybe he changed location, maybe he felt hurt, maybe he lost touch and he is searching for you too. Maybe he thinks of you as you of him, maybe he gave up just to be at peace and have rest. Whatever it is @stellabelle, hold on to those sweet memories he gave you and focus on that for now. I am sure you always pull through and this wouldn't be any different. I pulled through losing dad, mum and sister at different stages, so can you. Let your good works be in memory of him and you will always have that piece of him with you for ever. Stay strong.

P.S: You should draw more! You are good *sweet lady*.

I felt this in my soul. I keep old letters and journals like a hoarder- they always reveal more about me then anything else I could ever put out into the world. I am both grateful and cursed by the internet, and it's ability to keep everything- now all my foibles are in cyberspace for anyone to find at anytime, except me. The Japanese translation almost seems like poetry- is that from the language, or the culture, or is that all you?

wow, wow, that is so emotional on so many levels !!

Wow this is a wonderful piece ...literally help my tears back.Thanks for sharing

speechless, get out of there now, run, it is not too late

It's a very strange story, May God be with you.

It's hard for me to believe someone can write so well. Your letter flowed off the page, like a well thought out poem. It would take me years of solitude, and still not  reach your skills. Your writing is an art, I am sure you already know this.  

Thanks for putting me in Japan in 1999.  You did well. For a few minutes I was a lost 29 year old girl. In the comfort of my small room. Putting emotion to paper. I could even smell the tea steeping.  You put a middle aged white guy in your room writing this letter. That is a gift. Now, I want to know what happened to Nao. That is an art.

Thank you,  I was not expecting this.
Dale.

Interesting. You had a beautiful handwriting!
I've only recently started learning Japanese. Can't wait before I can start understanding the speech and writing!