This is one gem between posts, very insightful and thoughtful! Thanks for sharing it with us!

As a younger "war" child from small town I get what you are talking about, parents not pushing you just making sure you have enough to survive and do good enough in school, but never motivated for some extra activity.  - Luckily I had a good friend and we started training aikido together, well one of the best things that happened me in my hometown!
When I think about it now, I guess person needs to be persistent in their goals and efforts, luckily my parents did support every activity I have found for me. But also they tried to diverge my education path, constantly disagreeing with my choice of university. And it is happening again, they want to chose for me what is the best. 
I guess people that are not being given everything by parents tends to get a fighting character, or character at all.

And about pushing people, I could not agree more. I can see it in myself being lazy procrastinating until I need to push myself so hard, but on the other hand I enjoy that thrill, still everything in life I ordered by my design so I don't cry and whine about it, sometimes on joint pain tho. :)  But people who are always repeating the same conversation like a broken record should be pushed to the limits until they have a breakthrough or distance from yourself, or at least start saying the same old story over and over again. they deserved to be pushed as hard as you can!

What I have learned from older friends with kids, always provide her some entertainment activity without your monitoring, sports, art, music, whatever. if she doesn't like it change it, she will find the place for herself given the time, after all isn't life one long run of trails and errors ? :)

Hope it is not long yaiks! :)