At times it feels like there are a hundred thoughts simultaneously in my mind but, this is not true, there is just one. What is happening however is that the one thought leads to the next and the next very rapidly and appears to be many tracks branching in different directions. 

At night, I feel creative but this creativity is less about freedom and more about an exploration of one track. The process my mind takes in the morning hours begins a journey along the rails into the depths to see what stations arrive along the way. The depths are of course always internal as when external information is gathered, it gets parsed through the mental filters and challenged at the gates of personal understanding.

https://i.imgur.com/YtMLWTU.jpg

When it meets conflict, it can either be turned away or pat down to see if it is carrying anything of use. When creative, there is always the curiosity to see what information is really holding. Some people take it as face value and use a dictionary to understand the meaning but, the word is never the thing and a dictionary definition is only useful when speaking to another externally. 

Internally however, the mind does not require the same communicative language of a community as it has always had its own voice, even before it had language. That means, the words themselves are unnecessary to explore the self and can actually hinder discovery due to their limitations. Words are always limited and can never replace the reality of something. 

For me, I have found that beginning to listen to myself means forgetting the common language I use. The internal voice seems to operate below the voice of mother tongue so restricting it to a dialect, limits the depth of exploration possible.

Now, this sounds like a load of nonsense, which it may well be but, for me, this exploration of my inner workings has expanded my field of play and allowed my mind to reach into areas it had never before considered or, was too fearful to tread.

The critics of self-awareness may be absolutely correct that it doesn't work yet simultaneously absolutely wrong as for some, the story of inner growth makes practical changes to the way in which their mind and body operates but, the detractors can never realize this. They can't realize as to really know, one must witness in oneself, not in the actions of another.

Often, I sound like a crazy person with views that do not sync with many, but it is only crazy if I do it over and over and it doesn't work in making practical changes in my experience. Which it does, at least for me. So, who is crazy?

Is the crazy person the one that denies what is possible for another or the person that gets results doing what others deny? I do not know but, in the middle of the night when all is silent, from my mind comes an outpouring of movement from a place where there should be none, a position of stillness.

If I had an artistic talent like playing an instrument or painting or a mathematical mind that attempts to solve the unsolvable, I wonder what would come from this point inside. But, I do not have such creative talents to channel the energy, I just have the words that are not the thing, and a blank screen on which to write.

What I write isn't something to view like a painting, listen to like music or consume like food although it does the same thing. It is something that aims to engage with the language below the language, the language of the mind and body. Something that connects in some way to examines what lays beneath it all.

So here, in the middle of the night what may happen is that the real me that is below all of the programming may have a conversation with the real you under your programming and perhaps we can together come to a common understanding on what is life or more importantly, what is not.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

https://i.imgur.com/pAcUAzX.png