I just found out that British Airways canceled my trip to Japan. I waited for this for a long time, always planning to get there for hiking but somehow was never the right moment. Last year me and my friend Larisa we actually made plans to visit Tokyo, Osaka and the northern island Hokkaido. We dreamed about a long camping trip, she upgraded some of her hiking gear. She is a great companion on the mountains and I would dare to say we are both experienced enough to make the journey easy and alow for some unplanned events on the trail. I was really thrilled about her coffee-making skills and we talked about cooking vs buying ready-made meals. I draw a map of the main points on our journey and she made fun of my planning skills. We were on track to make our dreams a reality.
If you live on the same planet with us, you would know by now or guess why our journey has been postponed. A so-called virus is spreading fear among otherwise reasonable human beings. It is difficult to stay apart and not take sides on this matter, especially if you appreciate a good debate as an exercise. I must state my position (as is my blog and I can say what I want for now in here), that for me this virus hype is overrated. Viruses have always been part of our life and for me is weird that for this one we have taken measures without precedent. On the other side, democracy is still an emerging state around here and we have not learned our lessons how easy is to be taken away from us. I am born in a communist country and the measures worldwide today remind me of that time.
I am more ready now to embrace changes as I tend not to fight with them as in the past. I used to be a very keen and objective-goals oriented person, but later in life, I learned that what makes me happier and fulfilled is the flow. Of course, I am sad that my plans will not become reality this early June, but I am sure that in the end, I will have another journey that was meant to happen. I am disappointed and is sad that we don’t live in our ideal worlds, but I chose not to submerge into this energy and to see the positive aspects of this postponement. I will have more time to build other dreams and to work on other substantial aspects of my beloved character.
I dont really believe in 7-steps recipe to heal your life, so for me was a long adventure to get here. I had my ups and downs, I struggled to understand how I can get better. One of the funniest exercises that helped me, I discovered maybe 10 years ago and is very simple. I dont remember where I have read it, maybe a self-help book or maybe just a novel.
Write a letter to your future self at least every 6 months and only read it two years after. As I was always tech-savvy of course my letter was an email.
So the first letter I wrote made so excited and I detailed how i believed my life will be in the next 2 years. I remember to write about my predictions on my professional life, love life and general hints regarding new trends in society. Well it was one of the most thrilled adventure I launched myself in. My first letter was 3 pages and I really really thought I was going to be so right…..
The second one, over the 6 months, my enthusiasm sink a little bit. I still had my fingers on fire to read the first one ahead its term, but my mom did a good job and I am a well-trained individual so if the stake is high enough I can postpone my immediate desires. Well back to the second one, only one and a half page more structured and less dreamy. I was more ready to realize that if my life will not meet my expectations I will be still ok and alive and smiling.
For the third one, I almost missed my term as I remember I used to travel with friends on the mountains and back then the mobile phone had not the same features and capabilities as they have now. I manage to forgive myself for being late and I went straight to my dreaming about the future. I learned to dream different from one letter to another and to think about why this exercise was becoming more and more important. It was not the thrill of reading the result but the acknowledgment that I will be happy with either of the options: if my reality will become true or if I was really far away.
When the time to read my first letter finally arrived I already have forgotten the content of the letter. My heart was filled with butterflies and I made myself a tea and took a cushion to support me. It was how I expected somehow, naive, emotional, and brave at the same time. I pay attention to understand why I dreamed about those things and how I felt when I interacted with me and my desires in the past. It was a mix of emotions that burst into the present and I felt it was a tiny step to understand myself more. I did cry (yes is my secret as i am a strong confident woman) and accepted that from that moment I will not be the same. I had to embrace the fact that life is and is going to be unexpected and find my way to deal with this resolution.
My point with this story is that no matter what we think, our life is going to change. I would say you can, of course, fight it and then be miserable or be humble and embrace it and many tiny steps in between. For me is helpful to know that I can be wrong with my predictions and still be happy, how do you take it?
Love,
Teodora