>I lost my job. I'd like that to be a joke but it's not. My one year contract which ends in December 31st will not be renewed on the basis of the organisation I have been working for will be registered as an NGO next year and I can't be hired on part time basis. Weighing that the other part is school and this community, I knew I can't give that up to be hired full time. >I feel numb. Some how or some way I feel in love with working with prisons and the disappointment to let go is feeding off that love. I feel heartbroken over the lives that are tagged to mine. I can't access them the way I did anymore and that feels like a huge let down on my end. How will I fix this? >I lived. It was simply a long day. >Retracing my steps Back to me Back to wild and free Back to ink Back to being a freak Back to erotica Back to feeling magical Back to my dying sun Back to my loving sons Back to the dark within Back to where I please only me. >Retracing my steps Back to quiet nights Back to the street lights Back to peeling Back to the healing Back to familiar beginnings Back to over thinking Back to my truth Back to the being a sleuth Back to the chase Back to the rat race. >Retracing my steps Back to my reimagined fight Back to my flare bright Back to my spirituality Back to my nonexistent clarity Back to the confusion Back to the unending questions Back to looking for the answers Back to my reading culture Back to trying to rid the bleeds Back to reaching for the lead. [![footprint-2624609-640.jpg](https://i.postimg.cc/kgztbsBG/footprint-2624609-640.jpg)](https://postimg.cc/jD65Vz6Y) [ElisaRiva/Pixabay.](https://pixabay.com/photos/footprint-foot-sand-beach-sign-2624609/) *Cross Published.* **BQ.**
post_id | 82,314,516 |
---|---|
author | tezmel |
permlink | retracing-my-steps |
category | life |
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created | 2019-12-05 20:50:33 |
last_update | 2019-12-05 20:50:33 |
depth | 0 |
children | 5 |
net_rshares | 44,213,125,451,119 |
last_payout | 2019-12-12 20:50:33 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 6.628 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 6.256 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 1,746 |
author_reputation | 39,004,176,328,463 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 10,000 |
author_curate_reward | "" |
voter | weight | wgt% | rshares | pct | time |
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mammasitta | 0 | 91,521,791,702 | 20% | ||
edouard | 0 | 300,069,983,216 | 100% | ||
steevc | 0 | 271,321,146,048 | 69% | ||
seckorama | 0 | 47,178,794,367 | 69% | ||
whatsup | 0 | 773,397,944,699 | 100% | ||
katharsisdrill | 0 | 66,550,351,675 | 10% | ||
edb | 0 | 16,498,447,453 | 50% | ||
steemfeed | 0 | 21,592,773,959 | 100% | ||
trafalgar | 0 | 33,920,294,523,632 | 100% | ||
raindrop | 0 | 554,320,327,608 | 100% | ||
irreverent-dan | 0 | 358,071,016,090 | 100% | ||
ellievallie | 0 | 37,236,397,184 | 100% | ||
tracer-paulo | 0 | 6,569,379,601 | 100% | ||
sciencevienna | 0 | 24,836,392,701 | 100% | ||
joshman | 0 | 302,183,013,570 | 15% | ||
not-a-bird | 0 | 21,092,302,343 | 100% | ||
traf | 0 | 3,117,516,173,547 | 100% | ||
b00m | 0 | 95,276,068,145 | 50% | ||
bennettitalia | 0 | 3,716,542,108 | 10% | ||
roundhere | 0 | 19,505,060,436 | 100% | ||
stmdev | 0 | 145,914,119 | 1% | ||
mentalhealthguru | 0 | 42,285,829,853 | 100% | ||
michelroben | 0 | 526,556,539 | 100% | ||
hockney | 0 | 21,816,936,503 | 100% | ||
laissez-faire | 0 | 72,507,682 | 100% | ||
maarkhor | 0 | 735,954,111 | 12.5% | ||
darrenfj | 0 | 50,707,033,041 | 25% | ||
vxc | 0 | 2,551,293,262 | 100% | ||
adsup | 0 | 3,999,512,405,258 | 100% | ||
marlians.ccc | 0 | 1,367,693,975 | 100% | ||
onealfa.ccc | 0 | 164,969,915 | 20.42% | ||
joshmania | 0 | 43,309,836,118 | 12.75% | ||
isaria-ccc | 0 | 864,171,163 | 25% | ||
thebilpcointrain | 0 | 63,809,567 | 1% | ||
bilpcoin.pay | 0 | 199,716,307 | 1% | ||
ertyly | 0 | -8,802,130 | -10% | ||
xryku | 0 | -3,705,061 | -10% | ||
creavoter | 0 | 64,900,813 | 2.5% |
Never sure what is art and what is life, but I really find your words fascinating. Sort of comfortable in darkness. One more deranged coin for you. !DERANGED
post_id | 82,336,641 |
---|---|
author | katharsisdrill |
permlink | q23j3a |
category | life |
json_metadata | {"app":"steemit\/0.1"} |
created | 2019-12-06 15:01:57 |
last_update | 2019-12-06 15:01:57 |
depth | 1 |
children | 1 |
net_rshares | 34,951,956,997 |
last_payout | 2019-12-13 15:01:57 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 159 |
author_reputation | 138,038,426,460,288 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 0 |
author_curate_reward | "" |
voter | weight | wgt% | rshares | pct | time |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
tezmel | 0 | 34,605,175,950 | 100% | ||
deranged.coin | 0 | 346,781,047 | 1% |
In the dark is where I feel like myself the most. It has became a part of me! Thank you for the coins :)
post_id | 82,353,061 |
---|---|
author | tezmel |
permlink | q24p2i |
category | life |
json_metadata | {"app":"steemit\/0.1"} |
created | 2019-12-07 06:08:45 |
last_update | 2019-12-07 06:08:45 |
depth | 2 |
children | 0 |
net_rshares | 106,778,969,503 |
last_payout | 2019-12-14 06:08:45 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 105 |
author_reputation | 39,004,176,328,463 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 10,000 |
author_curate_reward | "" |
voter | weight | wgt% | rshares | pct | time |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
katharsisdrill | 0 | 106,778,969,503 | 16% |
[![deranged](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0027/4654/8291/files/WES.jpg?38)](http://bit.ly/2qaRaWQ) You just received DERANGED @tezmel Keep up the great work, view all your tokens at [steem-engine.com](https://steem-engine.com/)
post_id | 82,336,653 |
---|---|
author | deranged.coin |
permlink | re-retracing-my-steps-20191206t150211z |
category | life |
json_metadata | {"app":"beem\/0.21.1"} |
created | 2019-12-06 15:02:12 |
last_update | 2019-12-06 15:02:12 |
depth | 1 |
children | 0 |
net_rshares | 0 |
last_payout | 2019-12-13 15:02:12 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 234 |
author_reputation | 584,341,413,373 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 10,000 |
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/xwtq0h2.png" />
post_id | 82,357,841 |
---|---|
author | ellievallie |
permlink | q2545k |
category | life |
json_metadata | {"image":["https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/xwtq0h2.png"],"app":"steemit\/0.1"} |
created | 2019-12-07 11:34:33 |
last_update | 2019-12-07 11:34:33 |
depth | 1 |
children | 1 |
net_rshares | 34,080,009,025 |
last_payout | 2019-12-14 11:34:33 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 45 |
author_reputation | 5,141,751,827,683 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 0 |
author_curate_reward | "" |
voter | weight | wgt% | rshares | pct | time |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
ellievallie | 0 | 0 | 0% | ||
tezmel | 0 | 34,080,009,025 | 100% | ||
unityguild | 0 | 0 | 100% |
You are back? Yay! Thank you so much for this :)
post_id | 82,376,741 |
---|---|
author | tezmel |
permlink | q26j32 |
category | life |
json_metadata | {"app":"steemit\/0.1"} |
created | 2019-12-08 05:54:42 |
last_update | 2019-12-08 05:54:42 |
depth | 2 |
children | 0 |
net_rshares | 37,236,397,184 |
last_payout | 2019-12-15 05:54:42 |
cashout_time | 1969-12-31 23:59:59 |
total_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
curator_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
pending_payout_value | 0.000 SBD |
promoted | 0.000 SBD |
body_length | 51 |
author_reputation | 39,004,176,328,463 |
root_title | "Retracing My Steps" |
beneficiaries | [] |
max_accepted_payout | 1,000,000.000 SBD |
percent_steem_dollars | 10,000 |
author_curate_reward | "" |
voter | weight | wgt% | rshares | pct | time |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
ellievallie | 0 | 37,236,397,184 | 100% |