## [Read Part 1](https://steemit.com/deepshit/@whatamidoing/complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-1) Last night I was talking to a good friend. She’s not one of those people who is constantly negative but she does get heated about some certain topics and triggered by some things people say. She also pays more attention to things that make her unhappy than she should. I accidentally said something that triggered her and got us into a debate about what constitutes racism. I almost automatically engaged. I think we basically know where she stands and she knows where I stand, and we don’t have any huge disagreements, but the polarized debates of the mainstream kind of seeped into our conversation. ![7E99081B-B346-4074-A911-68A6676E3034.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmS9oeYXuS2yL3mYEwur4MKMX7nUpaKD1sWmFzSKCDpU5N/7E99081B-B346-4074-A911-68A6676E3034.jpeg) [meh](https://images.pexels.com/photos/18175/portrait-angry.jpg?dl&fit=crop&crop=entropy&w=640&h=960) We changed the topic but the conversation already started to have s less positive tone. She started complaining about selfish behaviors on steeming. I bit, there is so much I could say so why not say it right? Except after ten minutes I noticed my mood was noticeably worse than it was earlier. I’m not blaming her, I want her to know that! It’s my fault. I bit. We are given many options every day about what to focus on. We have our habits of engaging with the thoughts we are used to engage with. If we want to end the cycle of negativityvin our lives we need to get a grip on our focus. Focus is everything. So when life throws you inconveniences, you don’t have to ignore them, just don’t dwell on them. Say “Shit” and leave it at that. When others try to pass their inconveniences on to us, it’s not always their fault, it’s just part of our world culture, but we don’t need to engage. It’s our responsibility NOT to engage. ## Here are some options I had last night while talking to her. ### I could have said I was busy and ended the conversation. I didn’t do this because I don’t think she is not someone who always makes me feel down, I think she’s just a little younger and surrounded by people who complain and doesn’t have the same kind of support from a tightly knit tribe that I have. She sometimes feels alone and doesn’t have the extra ten years of battle experience that I have (Hopenshe doesn’t mind me saying so). ### I could have just changed the topic This works sometime and doesn’t other times. Sometimes people really want to insist on one topic or insist on complaining. She is not like this most of the time, but everyone gets in those moods sometimes. I tried it once or twice but it’s not easy to go from something negativedirectly to something positive and so we slipped a few times. Maybe it was the red of the crypto markets or maybe it was just that kind of day in general. ### I could focus on what we could do about it This is where complaining can be a good thing, when the only purpose is to identify the problem and then look for a solution. I’m a big fan of this because I think many problems we tend to think of as out of our control are actually anything but. That is my sole purpose for creating any initiative, to redirect my own energy towards making a difference and encourage others to do the same. ### I could focus on the good This is always an available option. There’s always something good to focus on, even in the worst situation. Even the things we don’t like will allow us to more clearly define what we do want and that in itself is a positive. ### I could reframe the topic of conversation Out of the frustration of not having enough money, we can find the fuel to work harder. I started off talking about how “I only have five weeks left to find a better source of income” because after that all my fiat is gone. I realized I was going to bring myself back down with this and turned it into something like this: “That’s five weeks to focus on guitar and writing and community. Let’s see how many songs I can write! Let’s see if I can reach a minimum of $10 payout in five weeks! Let’s see wat else I can accomplish!”. ### I could joke my way out of the negativity As I type this I immediately think of @clayboyn. This is one thing I’ve studied from interacting with him. Whenever people are getting heated, he drops some ridiculousness and it usually helps to snap people out of it. You can always drop a joke. It might not always be taken well but if it has a chance, you might as well try. I’m working on staying in a flirtatious mode, not for the purpose of sexual advancement (;-D) but because it’s essentially just a playful interested attitude towards others and that’s never a bad thing (unless you are trying to manipulate people with it). ### When all else fails, if you can try escape, don’t engage with the negativity I do this with my mother all the time. Whenever she yells at me, I say “mom I love you, but I’m nit going to pay attention to what you are saying until you calm down”. Sometimes it makes things worse for a few moments but it always leads to a de-escalation if I insist on my own vibes. ## We are constantly emitting a frequency and it’s constantly being influence by the other frequencies around us. We can let those frequencies drag us down, or we can hold our own despite the things that try to drag us down, and sometimes as a nice side effect, we bring others up to join us in the good vibes. ## when someone starts complaining I try not to engage with the person as the whining complainer in front of me, I engage with the awesome incredible person that I know them to be under the issues. See that in them, and if they don’t start to see it in themselves get the hell out of there or if you insist on feeling good and they insist on feeling bad, they will eventually not be able to stand being around you and spare you the headache. --- ![IMG_1406.JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmeh5hh7vBLYRzGE89xRmkUgDypmTvQ2yNbxgD8ZdEZoo4/IMG_1406.JPG) ### Join the ["Be Awesome" discord community](https://discord.gg/BzJXrcQ) The Be Awesome discord chat, was created with the intention of making deeper connections with fellow steemians. Come talk about "deep shit" and make friends. ### Join [Steemit Community Catalyst discord](https://discord.gg/RmE6mG5) Come join us look for ways to help minnows grow organically and create a greater sense of community on steemit. #steemitzombies , #nobidbot , the Deadpost Initiative and more project chats inside. ### [Confessions of the Damaged](https://www.patreon.com/thetree123) - a collection of short stories —- # If you like what I do and you have enough to spare, please consider becoming a patron on [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/thetree123) or sending some crypto gifts. Feel free to send me a message on discord if you need help raising your vibes or learning a language. #### BTC 1HsHctHFoZucpjEY9NfE4SHUfEpCQwaDVc #### ETH 0x252c2641438709687aec16d42974fbc3952f88d8 #### LTC Ldzq13WK1fTDZe9p7WvaQhqWyx8TWcweNx —- ![U5drTgnBQ2qzxT9o1kcF5PmjeLSEKi1_1680x8400.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbtvoZDCPaveDPBNAmH25KsLx3GzPbngU8FNJXN9FprQx/U5drTgnBQ2qzxT9o1kcF5PmjeLSEKi1_1680x8400.jpg) by @skyleap
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Love what you've written. This has been an ongoing conversation for me, is how to engage or not engage with self defeating behaviour and energy. I am at the point where I have established that I will not willingly engage in anything that compromises my awesome. Yet how to engage with people in the doldrums, not get affected and possibly send a portal out for them? This is some kind of magical ability that needs to be developed. Much Love Joined the discord group!
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> I will not willingly engage in anything that compromises my awesome I love this! I find being playful at all times is the easiest way. I’d like to get to the point where no conversation or remarks could possibly compromise my awesome. I do still slip from time to time. I will look out for you on discord
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Great post! How do we snap out of a negative loop.. or avoid them in then First place.. how do we overcome our emotions and rise abouve our egos and emotions.. it takes a certain kind of character an detachment to be able to do all the thingsnu suggest.. for me mediation is one way to get a grip and be able to successfully Come from a place of truth and integrity.. it is very hard.. the challenge of life reallY.. and right now i suck at it.. so thank u for this advice.. positive affirmations are a great place to start,.,
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To see the beauty in all things, to understand that even what we deem negative exists to invite us to dream up a positive. I think I’m finally starting to get it, when someone comes at me with negativity, I take it as a challenge to insist on positivity, and if I manage to do so, there is always a prize at the end of the level haha.
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Good stuff! Resteemed and upvoted.
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Thanks!
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It takes really strong willpower to decide not to be influenced by negative loops Excellent write-up
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It’s a muscle! You gotta exercise it! It gets easier and easier but new challenge always arise,
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Good suggestions to start catching and redirecting our negative patterns. Complaining has merit, as you said, but if you just continue and never try to solve or move on then its's an exhausting state. I have a similar relationship as you do with my parents: my dad tends to be super negative and my mom carries everyone's problems (and she's a nurse so its a lot of sickness and sadness). I try and listen until I feel myself shifting and then just as nicely and firmly as I can let them know that this isn't what I want to be doing right now.
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I try to be playful as I can about it. It’s hard to joke about others problems without sounding insensitive but sometimes dark humor works. My dad always gets worried about nukes and global warming and I’m always like “at least we won’t have to go to work if the world ends” Or if it’s a complaint about work “well global warming might end us all so just enjoy it!” This takes some calibration hahaha
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hahah oh yeah I knoooow. I tend to take the joke route and have definitely had many many not land haha. Calibration is the perfect word
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---|---|
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permlink | re-whatamidoing-re-kilbride-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180513t011132207z |
category | deepshit |
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Thank you for sharing your experience, tipuvote!
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permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t091131234z |
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Thanks!
post_id | 48,172,151 |
---|---|
author | whatamidoing |
permlink | re-cardboard-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t094824352z |
category | deepshit |
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<center><p><strong>Hi @whatamidoing! You have received 0.69 SBD @tipU upvotehttps://i.imgur.com/JFq6JWX.png! from @cardboard !</strong></p><hr>https://i.imgur.com/zvxh2cR.gif<br><strong><p>@tipU upvotes with 210% of the payment and shares <a href="https://steemit.com/steem/@tipu/tipu-is-looking-for-steem-power-delegators-pays-out-100-of-profit-50-of-curation-rewards-to-investors" rel="noopener">100% profit + 50% curation rewards with all investors</a>, allows to <a href="https://steemit.com/steemit/@tipu/introducing-tipu-auto-reinvest-option-for-investors-sp-delegators" rel="noopener">automatically reinvest selected part of your payout</a> and can do other cool stuff :) <a href="https://steemit.com/steemit/@tipu/tipu-investors-report-08-05-2018-new-features-overview-new-delegations" rel="noopener"> Click here for more info.</a></p></strong></center>
post_id | 48,168,215 |
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author | tipu |
permlink | re-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t091302 |
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> I do this with my mother all the time. Whenever she yells at me, I say “mom I love you, but I’m nit going to pay attention to what you are saying until you calm down”. Sometimes it makes things worse for a few moments but it always leads to a de-escalation if I insist on my own vibes. I appreciate you sharing this detail. We are coming up on Mother's Day here and all of the ads are about how gentle and loving mothers are. Not trying to say your mom doesn't love you! : ) Just that it is reassuring to hear I'm not alone in having challenges with my relationship to mine.
post_id | 48,187,202 |
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author | kittyandcheese |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t115632505z |
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Oh...yeah...I could go on and on about the struggles I had with my well meaning parents, maybe I will one day haha
post_id | 48,628,661 |
---|---|
author | whatamidoing |
permlink | re-kittyandcheese-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180515t080611755z |
category | deepshit |
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>I’m not blaming her, I want her to know that! It’s my fault. I bit. *Aaaand* you attracted it in the first place! 😮 I have a friend with whom we pretty much only talk about problems. If we don't, I find we don't really have anything to talk about. It has gotten better, but I still find my vibration is down after hanging out with her. This last time it was down for two days.
post_id | 48,197,927 |
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author | brightstar |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t132133297z |
category | deepshit |
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whatamidoing | 0 | 1,664,658,989 | 10% |
Damn right! I wouldn’t say that to someone who isn’t hip to law of attraction and how it works though, they might take that as an attack or an excuse to blame themselves even further. Eventually you just get so strong in your vibe that it just doesn’t bring you down and you find ways to get out of the donwner situation before it ever could affect you. I’m not there yet!
post_id | 48,628,940 |
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author | whatamidoing |
permlink | re-brightstar-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180515t080837272z |
category | deepshit |
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I never got away from the blame of law of attraction teachings. That's why I kind of moved on to Energy Rich and Claiming Extraordinary instead.
post_id | 48,645,729 |
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author | brightstar |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-re-brightstar-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180515t104033311z |
category | deepshit |
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Great post as this is an important awareness that people must draw more often...so many people not knowing why they are in a bad mood or feel drained! Understanding energy exchanges and how to maintain and "protect" one's frequency is an important lesson on boundaries as well as self-respect that will not only be a benefit to you but also to those who you interact with. Not only that but it is tool for self-empowerment.
post_id | 48,208,974 |
---|---|
author | zameena-zen |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t144415545z |
category | deepshit |
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whatamidoing | 0 | 1,664,658,989 | 10% |
I could have gone into that a bit more too! About energy exchange and how we effect each other, Or maybe you can write that, I’d love to read it.
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author | whatamidoing |
permlink | re-zameena-zen-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180515t081055938z |
category | deepshit |
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zameena-zen | 0 | 440,052,137 | 100% | ||
dustsweeper | 0 | 5,620,989,520 | 2.15% |
Hi, Pineapple. This was really an interesting post. I didn't know that I had so many options. And I think I have overused > I could joke my way out of the negativity and now there is this image of me a guy who is not serious. Even though I am serious, I can't help the sarcastic tone in my response. And, now I know why most of the ladies in my life are always angry at me. I need to practice my apologies. _**sigh**_
post_id | 48,251,042 |
---|---|
author | inuke |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180512t204020545z |
category | deepshit |
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created | 2018-05-12 20:40:21 |
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whatamidoing | 0 | 1,664,658,989 | 10% | ||
kilbride | 0 | 3,514,479,876 | 100% |
Practice them asap. Even if they are 6 years past due. Trust me I have never gotten an apology I didn't appreciate, even if it didn't change the relationship, it helped undo something in my mind- sort of like a ungaslighting . With the apology i now felt more sane realizing that we both saw the same reality... if that makes sense ;)
post_id | 48,273,620 |
---|---|
author | kilbride |
permlink | re-inuke-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180513t011502269z |
category | deepshit |
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created | 2018-05-13 01:15:03 |
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inuke | 0 | 2,252,280,472 | 100% |
Thanks killbride, but sometimes I wonder if things were ever meant to be? I mean it's been almost a decade since that event and every now and then I want to apologize but don't you think it's a little too late for That.
post_id | 48,297,997 |
---|---|
author | inuke |
permlink | re-kilbride-re-inuke-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180513t054316310z |
category | deepshit |
json_metadata | "{"app": "steemit/0.1", "tags": ["deepshit"]}" |
created | 2018-05-13 05:43:36 |
last_update | 2018-05-13 05:43:36 |
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kilbride | 0 | 3,450,580,242 | 100% |
Sarcasm takes some calibrating, not everyone can see it from out point of view, but I think it’s an important tool, we shouldn’t feel it neccesary to bring our moods down with everyone else around us who is feeling down. It may not be you in the wrong, but it’s good to be careful who you say what to. I use sarcasm when I feel others trying to insist on negativity, not before that. It’s a preventative measure from being pulled into their bad moods. Sometimes them getting angry is for the best if they leave you alone and take their drama with them but being compassionate is important. Apologize if you are really sorry!
post_id | 48,628,495 |
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author | whatamidoing |
permlink | re-inuke-re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180515t080448292z |
category | deepshit |
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created | 2018-05-15 08:04:51 |
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Glad to see your perspective which is something that is greatly lacking in online communities. It's people like you who help make STEEM better (at least as a community)
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author | d-zero |
permlink | re-whatamidoing-complaining-disempowerment-and-negative-feedback-loops-part-2-20180513t142744072z |
category | deepshit |
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created | 2018-05-13 14:28:12 |
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whatamidoing | 0 | 1,664,658,989 | 10% | ||
samotonakatoshi | 0 | 3,282,362,332 | 33% | ||
bunnypunia | 0 | 6,721,050,819 | 44% | ||
sniffbiff | 0 | 10,230,411,679 | 20% | ||
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