<figure id="7774" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--h3"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked"><img class="graf-image" src="http://selfscroll.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/rihanna-yelling-at-men-is-extremely-my-kink.png" /><br/></div></figure><p id="a9eb" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">The internet is <a href="https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/8464952/rihanna-boyfriend-arguing-meme-tweets" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">ablaze with memes</a> about Rihanna going in on her sometime-boyfriend, Saudi billionaire <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/six-things-need-know-hassan-jameel-rihannas-billionaire-boyfriend/" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Hassan Jameel</a>, while the pair vacationed in Mexico. That’s all well and good, except for one thing: I’m not the guy she’s yelling at. I would very much like Rihanna to yell at me.</p><figure id="23fe" class="graf graf--figure graf--iframe graf-after--p" /><p id="d11a" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">Although Jameel has jumped several hoops to achieve the honor of Rihanna verbally stomping his nuts — meeting her, dating her and pulling whatever bullshit he did — I do not think, from what we’ve seen, that he’s any good at taking it. He’s clearly talking back, which strikes me as disgraceful.</p><p id="4627" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">The proper response to Rihanna calling you out looks a lot more like this:</p><figure id="0eb9" class="graf graf--figure graf--iframe graf-after--p" /><p id="e95a" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">Now, do I <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">deserve</em> to sit around a five-star resort and have Rihanna annihilate me with her fury? Of course not. But you can bet I’d empty my bank account for the experience.</p><p id="a2b6" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">It would be a cleansing fire, and I’d let it consume me whole. Just imagine: Rihanna tells you that you’re trash, <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">and</em> <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">you know in your pig-fuck heart that she’s right</em>. I swear it might flay the pale, freckled flesh from my delicate bones. A shimmering instant of pure beta-male submissiveness. Divine.</p><p id="2489" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">The best memes we have about Rihanna — from <a href="http://time.com/4852121/rihanna-jet-ski/" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">riding a jet ski sidesaddle</a> to her <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RihannaMemes/photos/a.667895969993656.1073741828.666842756765644/1272112942905286/?type=3&amp;theater" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">soul-withering glances</a> to the <a href="http://cdn.smosh.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/drake-22.jpg" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">continued humiliation of Drake</a> — establish her as a badass of the highest order.</p><p id="fa17" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">She’s thought to be <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/morganmurrell/reasons-rihanna-epitome-big-dick-energy" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">the queen of big dick energy</a>, and it’s not uncommon for a straight man to want this kind of woman to dominate him, whether <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a33060/ways-to-dominate-your-boyfriend/" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">in bed</a> or with access to his <a href="https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/mbxg8a/mastering-the-art-of-financial-domination-fetish-is-harder-than-it-looks" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">bank account</a>.</p><p id="afa9" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Being in control gets boring in a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/jun/22/the-age-of-patriarchy-how-an-unfashionable-idea-became-a-rallying-cry-for-feminism-today" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">patriarchy</a> where men are “supposed” to lead. There are few appropriate outlets for bottled-up self-loathing like mine. Sometimes a guy needs a partner to puncture the lies privilege has made him believe. It’s cathartic.</p><p id="9c97" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Moreover, the attraction to a dominatrix figure <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201410/sexually-dominant-women-and-the-men-who-desire-them-part-i" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">isn’t necessarily sexual</a>, but a thrilling dynamic nonetheless. In some way it’s a <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">relief</em> to be shamed and punished, like a Dostoevskian criminal who yearns to get caught so that he may offload his guilt.</p><figure id="762c" class="graf graf--figure graf--iframe graf-after--p" /><p id="b778" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">The tweet above — part of <a href="http://www.vulture.com/2018/06/how-oceans-8-panders-my-rihanna-leo-dicaprio-dating-fantasy.html" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">an excellent fanfiction series</a> by <a href="http://www.vulture.com/author/Hunter%20Harris/" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Hunter Harris</a>, an associate editor at <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Vulture</em> — is a solid approximation of how it feels to learn that Rihanna is unloading on a dude who isn’t you, and angrily pointing at him, no less: “What was the sequence of decisions by which someone else personally disappointed this earthly deity and then bore the total weight of his transgression?”</p><p id="ded4" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Then you come to find out that this viral spat was over…soccer? I’m horny.</p><figure id="b4e7" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked"><img class="graf-image" src="http://selfscroll.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/rihanna-yelling-at-men-is-extremely-my-kink-1.png" /><br/></div></figure><p id="a817" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure">In an Instagram post, Rihanna clarified the cause of the exchange. The fact that she had to at all says something about how unrelenting and toolish the supporters of her ex, the <a href="https://people.com/music/chris-brown-a-timeline-of-the-singers-legal-trouble/" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">habitually violent</a> singer Chris Brown — who <a href="http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/settlement-might-be-near-in-chris-brown-case.html" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">pleaded guilty</a> to assaulting her in 2009 — really are.</p><p id="577c" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">These loyal <a href="https://melmagazine.com/the-guys-who-spend-their-days-defending-alleged-abusers-online-3ce55337eced" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" target="_blank">abuse-defenders and victim-blamers</a> seized upon the Mexico photos as proof that Rihanna, not Brown, is the <a href="https://twitter.com/Just_Jordan205/status/1016810305765171201" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">toxic</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/momoszn_/status/1017083186273308673" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">harmful</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/DuloChidiebere/status/1016661527783501824" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">partner</a> in every relationship. Back here in reality, of course, they were images of an animated conversation, weirdly augmented by Rihanna’s rep as a stone-cold “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3eAMGXFw1o" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Bitch Better Have My Money</a>” kingpin, and these same bros are too scared to admit that a woman standing up for herself is sexy.</p><p id="5947" class="graf graf--p graf-after--p">Yet, though for her it means no more than a flick of the tongue, it isn’t worth Rihanna’s time to correct these trifling males in her mentions. This would be too great a mercy, which is why <a href="https://melmagazine.com/have-you-encountered-the-cuckboi-bf5bab9651c9" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" target="_blank">cuckbois</a> like me will always crave it. We seek release from our imperfect nature. We ask Rihanna to prise open our flaws and reveal the sobbing infant within. But she doesn’t owe us that, never has. All we get is the fantasy of ruin. Rihanna has more important work to do.</p><figure id="dd18" class="graf graf--figure graf-after--p"><div class="aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked"><img class="graf-image" src="http://selfscroll.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/rihanna-yelling-at-men-is-extremely-my-kink-2.png" /><br/></div></figure><p id="7e21" class="graf graf--p graf-after--figure"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Miles Klee is a staff writer at </em>MEL<em class="markup--em markup--p-em">. </em><a href="https://melmagazine.com/the-men-who-wear-fitbits-to-track-their-coke-benders-1e7f90765dfc" class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">He last wrote about guys who track their cocaine benders with fitness trackers.</em></a></p><h4 id="069f" class="graf graf--h4 graf-after--p">More Miles:</h4><br /><center><hr/><em>Posted from my blog with <a href='https://wordpress.org/plugins/steempress/'>SteemPress</a> : http://selfscroll.com/rihanna-yelling-at-men-is-extremely-my-kink/</em><hr/></center>