Ahh the life of Mr. If Only!  I've taken the Buddhist approach and just accepted what is and what will be.  Life's too short for regrets, and playing the "if only" game takes too much precious energy that could be used for something productive...or at least something fun!

I always figure that if I didn't do exactly what I'd done in my life, I might not be where I'm at or with who I'm with.  Hindsight really is 20/20, but looking forward is completely unclear.  We do the best we can, with what we know, and that's it.  Simple really.  Of course most of us aren't perfect and would do some things differently, but it's a bit of a mute point, isn't it?  It's not like we can go back and change it, but we *can* learn from it and do *our* futures differently.

Peace out buddy :)

by the way, I think this thought process of yours is very normal considering everything you're going through.  Brian did it too.