This comes from a good hearth trust me when I say I'm not in any way attacking you. But somethimes the hard questions are the ones that need to be asked. I understand you have to make things a good read but I'm just reacting to what I'm reading here, hoping you can find some sort of value in it. I think it's great you are adapting your brain for change and making a plan of action. 

"If I make bad decisions, my family will go down with me. I have no back up, nothing preventing me from falling,  if I were to fuck up in some big way."
So ask yourself the question.. how do I create a back up? Who can I turn to to help me? 

"The truth is, my only existing lifeline is in Steemit. There's nothing else."
Nothing else.. in this whole wide world? If there isn't. How can you make sure there is?

"I crumble under too much routine. "
"The fear revolves around losing my freedom. I am a complete disaster"
"our fears which continually crop up will have to be managed in new ways."
It all starts with self-talk. Destructive self talk is the root of all evil. 
"I am a complete disaster" Instead: "I've had times I felt better"
"I crumble" Instead: "There are other things that give me more energy"

Whatever you say to yourself your brain will start believing and whatever question you ask yourself your brain will find an answer to. So they might as well be constructive. 

P.s. the snail instantly got me thinking about Mayuri from bleach. Notice the eyes in it.. So that freaked me out more then the birds. 

http://68.media.tumblr.com/eb10ed655fb21bf275699f9317631b0d/tumblr_mjty7rDVTg1rkq9cno1_500.png