Thank you, @chaeya, for your thoughtful comment. I related to everything you said too - that haze that keeps you locked in. I think you are right when you said that for some of us the world won't ever be right.  Maybe that's ok. Maybe it doesn't have to be. We can get through the darkest days like we always have done. We do come through.  I am just now feeling ok talking about it. The more it's out there, the less alone we feel. Hugs to you too. I can't tell you how glad I am that you shared your all too familiar experiences.