We often look for answers to our questions outside: in books and podcasts, with mentors and spiritual teachers. But this does not always help to understand your aspirations, and sooner or later you need to look inside yourself. Everything we resist has power over us. And everything that we accept liberates us.
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[Source](https://www.needpix.com/photo/1358942/dawn-vietnam-hueprovince-sunrise-boat-amateurpic-fisherman)
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At the same time, disappointments and painful memories will inevitably come up. It would be desirable to run away from them, but it is necessary to look in their faces. And then you will notice such a paradox: the more you struggle with pain, the more you give it strength. And when you finally let go of this struggle, it becomes easier.

This is pretty hard. The need to surrender contradicts everything that we are constantly taught: to strive, to push, to endure, to win. But when we surrender, we find peace and find inspiration. And this is not the same as accepting oneself and falling into apathy.

When you let go of a desperate desire to change the situation, you finally become free.

And you can live a meaningful life only in this state of freedom and self-expression without excuse. Understand that frustration and pain is a natural part of life. Do not be afraid of them. Yes, they can break your heart , they can fire you from work, your creative project may fail.

But what you learn in the process will help you grow and become a different person. The only way to avoid disappointment is to never take risks. But it will be a very limited life.
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https://live.staticflickr.com/427/31862575401_8cc03029ae_b.jpg
[Source](https://www.flickr.com/photos/picksfromoutthere/31862575401)
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## Find something good in the past

Usually when we recall unpleasant impressions from the past - for example, relationships that did not work out, or a lost job, we concentrate on the bad and don’t notice the good. We carry this negativity with us, and the future becomes similar to the past. But if you acknowledge what happened and learn from it, his power over you will dissipate.

So, in self-help books, they advise you to write something good about every person who abandoned you. And this advice can be applied to any painful circumstances. Write down what good you have learned from the situation, what you learned, what you learned about yourself. And you will see that, despite the pain inflicted, others present us with amazing gifts.

Without the bosses who once fired me, I would not be a writer today. One girl I met taught me how to cook, the other - better to dress. Yes, it didn’t work out for us. But this does not mean that there was nothing good.

When we accept a difficult situation or release a feeling of resentment against a person who has hurt us, negative impressions lose power over us and our future.

## Help yourself rebuild

By letting go of the past, you create space for a new future. And clinging to the old negative, you are likely to repeat the same mistakes. I understand that in reality all this is more difficult than in words. Especially when you just recovered from pain or are still trying to survive the storm in your own life. Therefore, I will give some tips that help me:
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https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/sites/default/files/image/image_file/p070414ps-1146.jpg
[Source](https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/blog/2015/07/04/past-and-present-celebrating-july-4th-white-house)
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Learn to be thankful. This will not solve all the problems, but will help to change the mood. You will notice that good in life that you usually take for granted.
Change the environment. It greatly affects feelings and behavior. It is not necessary to burn everything that is connected with the past (although sometimes you want to) . Let your environment personify everything that you want to become, and not what you were before.
Talk to a therapist. I think this should be done at least once in a lifetime. A psychotherapist is a trainer, not just for the body, but for consciousness. It will help you notice repeating patterns in life. And he is objective, he can be told about everything, knowing that he will not judge.
Take care of yourself. Please yourself with something pleasant to close one chapter of life and begin another. And regularly take care of your peace of mind. For example, go in for sports, travel, start new hobbies.

## Imagine what opportunities might open to you

Each event has three scenarios:

* The one that we assumed.
* The one that is now.
* One that may be.
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https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2015/03/21/14/34/silhouette-683751_960_720.jpg
[Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/silhouette-bike-fitness-woman-683751/)
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When reality does not coincide with assumptions, we are upset. We close for all other opportunities and try to realize unfulfilled expectations. However, in such a situation, a third scenario must be adopted - uncertainty. Usually we associate it with fear , anxiety and our worst fears. And we don’t notice the surprising thing that can happen too.
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