Thanks for sharing this. It took some guts, and I totally see why you had the caveat at the beginning. When I saw that, I thought, "This is gonna be good". I wasn't disappointed. :) 
It took us a long time to develop our discipline practices. The boys were teenagers before I really understood the difference between discipline and punishment. Once I did, I never spanked again. Of course, they were too old, or I might have. 
When we punish, it's retribution. We're focused on making them pay, which is often focused on ourselves. When we discipline, we're focused on benefiting our children. It's a game changer.
Kudos for understanding that there is no place for anger in discipline. I did like my parents did during the boys' early years, taking my anger out on them sometimes. I was measured and not brutal. But it's almost impossible to express love in the midst of anger.
They're doing a better job in this area than I did, by far. Thank God.