Hello @conficker 😊

I am sorry to hear about what you went through as a child. 

You said something interesting here:

<blockquote>seeking for an answer of why is it happen and how can we change it.</blockquote>

I have observed that people go through different stages, when it comes to dealing with a hard-to-let go past. Looking for an answer is, without a doubt, the most common one. Some people actually succeed in finding an answer - which is normally - not satisfactory. Then, some of them fall in great despair, because nothing has really changed. 

I find that the first step forward in this journey is grasping the understanding that the past *will not* change. When that notion seeks in the question "how can we change it" stops being asked. Because one realizes it is a loosing battle. Now, with a clearer mind, one thinks more objectively about whether it is really worth seeking for an answer. 

Do I still want the answer even knowing that **nothing** will change what happened? Would it be more productive to my own subjective well-being work on my feelings towards that immutable event(s), or look for explanations? 

Of course, the answers to this questions highly depend on one's current circumstances, personality, future ambitions and so forth.

You see @conficker, the past is not a 'being' with its own *wants* and *not wants*. Those desires, really, are ours. And with understanding, patience and time they can be worked on in a way that allows the past to stay where it belongs: behind us.

All the best to you :*