Background on me:
I’ve suffered from PTSD for a decade. It’s been hell. My symptoms have been exacerbated by multiple sports-related concussions. Bad advice, denial and ego caused me to ignore all of my symptoms until late 2014. In 2015 the doctor said I also have a severe case of Major Depression. I don’t live a life of despair, nor do I sit around and say “poor me” all the time.......... anymore.
Antidepressants / SSRIs did not help. Benzodiazepines did not help. Seroquel made me suicidal. Antipsychotics did not help.
In the winter of 2015 I sat on the phone weeping at 4am talking to the crisis / suicide hotline and it was then that I realized the pills were making everything worse than before. I still had he nightmares, the flashbacks, the crippling anxiety and had nothing to show for it. It felt like I was just poisoning my liver for sport? What was I getting out of this sh**? Hopelessly crying my eyes out, I decided I’d never touch another antidepressant. I decided to go by Buddha’s advice from his dying words, “Strive on, untiringly towards your liberation.” I committed to trying every possible route to liberation from my internal suffering. If one item is a long shot but has 1% chance of working, I will still give it an honest try! I decided to fight MY way, not “their way.” This is my mental health and I am in charge!
What happened next? First I deleted my facebook and shaved my head. I started doing yoga and watching documentaries about everything spiritual. I read Dalai Llama’s books and got heavy into drawing and painting. I’d go on 4-5 mile walks around the shores of Lake Ontario daily. I began volunteering. I started going back to the gym. I gave up beef believing there to be a connection to karma. Some things made rational sense, others didn’t. Some things helped a little, others a lot, many didn’t help at all. When I say I tried everything aside from pills I mean I literally tried everything legal I could possibly do.
At the beginning of my post-pharma journey I’d have rated my anxiety/depression at a 10 out of 10 maximum severity.
After trying all of the things I tried, at the very best I got myself down to a 8.5/10 for anxiety.
Modern day, average anxiety stays around a 3-4/10 and depression comes in waves sometimes it floors me sometimes I forget I even have it.
*I had tried marijuana in 11th grade and didn’t really care for the experience so I wrote it off.*
In late 2016 a dear friend of mine began having crippling panic attacks. In my empathetic heart I suggested she try smoking weed with one of her friend’s a second a way to relieve anxiety. I had heard it helps, but was too chicken to try myself. I encouraged her to let me know if it works. She convinced me to try it out with her and her best friend.
We smoked in lawn chairs under the twilight Indian summer sky. I was so nervous to start but 2 hits later and everything melted away. I mean everything. I wasn’t stupid and giggly and embarrassing. I didn’t turn into a bat as one congressman testified happened to him back after 1 hit (google it). I didn’t have a sudden urge to try hard drugs. I just felt like “me” again. I was liberated!
Fast forward to 2018. I use cannabis like a parachute pull-cord. I’ll regularly use an indica-dominant hybrid after I get home from a stressful day.
On the weekend or when situationally-appropriate I enjoy vegan edibles. It’s not a party time for me, it’s an ancient plant with the ability to heal. Respect the herb- don’t treat it like an 8 ball of cocaine.
PTSD & depression are still a part of my life. Some symptoms are completely gone! Some not so much but hey, a victory is a victory! Being as depression and PTSD have to do with brain chemistry, I would not be surprised if they stick around for a while.
To me, Cannabis for my mental health has been *THE* one and only treatment to show consistent improvement with Zero side effects. Not everyone’s bodies, minds and states of mental health are the same & I am not a doctor so please do your own research and exercise caution.
TL;DR: if you have depression or PTSD- one possible method of healing could be cannabis. It isn’t a cure but it sure as hell saved my life more than once so my advice is to keep an open mind and again, do your own research!
Blessings to all who took the time, thank you
