There are some hard lessons to learn in life.  You have had to endure one of the hardest as far as understanding loss.  I don't write to convince anyone of anything, but in my mind, if anything at all that has ever happened in our life is by design, then it all is.  Order and coincidence cannot coincide because they are contradictory beliefs.  You can't pick and choose when and how to have faith, if you believe in a higher entity and believe it has any semblance of control over existence, then it has control over all existence because order and chaos do not coincide.  For example if a man was meant to be some great world leader or spiritual teacher in his thirties, but a random act of violence had him die in his twenties, then the whole purpose and intention behind his existence was just counteracted.  If it's all chaos, then anyone can and will do anything they want and there is no purpose to any of it, so why believe in anything if it doesn't ultimately matter?  These are just my thoughts and an attempt to clarify why I believe in order.