That makes sense.  You were for the most part almost consumed with the fight to survive against all odds therefore almost all other thoughts and trapping of fear and despair either vanish or fall away to the recesses of your mind?  On many levels it's perfectly understandable that the mind would protect itself and you from harm and transfer all conscious control to that survival.  Maybe it's akin to the fight or flight instinct?  The mind knows that if it wallows in the agony of what has gone on before that the body will follow and the whole won't last.  So it insulates those dark parts in to dark places so that the whole can go on and survive.  

When you felt the despair in Portland, was this purely a despair born out of the icy blizzard or maybe more?  

You don't have to answer any of this whatsoever Rich.  And I get the feeling you'd tell me to fuck off of it was too much to discuss, hehe.  You seem just that kinda honest type.  Honest to the bone.............my kinda person.  But when you replied I felt compelled to ask.