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I haven't been posting lately. A recent tragedy has changed my life forever. My wife of 16 years and mother of our four children passed away at only 41 years old.

A little over a year ago, in August 2016,  she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. At the time it was diagnosed, it appeared to have also spread to a couple of lymph nodes. A PET scan did not show that the disease had spread anywhere else and the prognosis was reasonably good. We immediately set out on a course of treatment that included chemotherapy followed by surgery (a lumpectomy) and radiation treatment. Diet and other alternative treatments were also used that would not interfere with chemotherapy. By the end of May, treatment was complete and a biopsy of the tissue removed along with a few lymph nodes that were removed showed no sign of living disease. Until the end of August we thought we might have it beat.

In August, my wife started having headaches. The first couple of times we didn't think anything of it. They just seemed like normal headaches. But they became more frequent and severe. We went to the doctor and an MRI was scheduled. Before the MRI, the headaches became non-stop and were so severe she could hardly function. We went to the emergency room and she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. This was at the end of August. The next day, the tumor was removed. According to the neurosurgeon, the surgery went as well as could be expected. In the case of brain surgery to remove a tumor, they can't really take a margin of tissue out to ensure that all the cancer is completely removed so radiation treatment would be needed. While the fact that the cancer had metastasized to the brain was alarming to say the least, we were hopeful that it had not spread anywhere else. Chemotherapy does not treat the brain because it does not cross the blood/brain barrier and we learned that a PET scan isn't as good as an MRI for detecting cancer in the brain so it seemed reasonable that maybe a small amount of cancer was already in the brain when treatment began or had spread there shortly after. 

She was recovering well and was released after only a few days in the hospital. About two weeks later she had her first appointment with the radiation oncologist. He wanted to wait about 8 weeks from the surgery date in order for the brain to heal and swelling to decrease before beginning radiation treatment. Meanwhile, another PET scan was scheduled as soon as possible (about two weeks later) and another MRI was scheduled closer to when treatment would begin. Around this time, my wife started having pain in her upper abdomen. Her doctor though this might be due to the steroid that was prescribed to treat the swelling in the brain. However, as the PET scan appointment approached, the pain became worse and the PET scan confirmed our worst fears. Cancer had spread to her liver, bones (sacrum, at least one vertebrae and hip) as well as the chest cavity. Around this time, my wife also started having swelling in the abdomen and feet as well as severe back pain. Doing radiation and more chemotherapy at the same time wasn't an option so the doctors wanted to see the results of the brain MRI before deciding which to do first. The date for the MRI was moved up. Pain medication was prescribed.

A couple of days later when it was time for the MRI, despite the pain medication, the pain in her back was so severe that she could not lie flat to have the MRI done. More pain medication was prescribed and the MRI was rescheduled for the following week. Chemotherapy appointments were also scheduled with the assumption that this would happen first. By this point, despite all the pain medication, the only remotely comfortable position for her to be in was sitting in a chair leaning over the bed. The pain in her back seemed to get slightly better but then she started having numbness and weakness in her arms followed by confusion. We went to the emergency room. 

In the emergency room, they could not get an IV in her arm. They couldn't find a vein with enough blood flow. The alternative is a line in the neck or thigh. Even with pain medication and sedation, pain prevented her from being still enough on her back to put a line safely in her neck. They finally managed to get one in her thigh. However, they had sedated her significantly enough that they wanted to put in a breathing tube. Little did I know that I would never talk to her again.

To make a long story short, the severe pain and neurological issues were caused primarily by liver failure due to the cancer. She died early in the morning on October 27th, a week after going to the emergency room that last time.

I don't know if there is anything we could or would have done differently. I mean, knowing that the treatments we attempted didn't work I would certainly try something different but I don't think there is anything different that would have helped. Triple negative breast cancer is particularly aggressive and seemed especially so in this case. I have done a lot of research and I know there are those that advise against chemotherapy in favor of alternative treatments but I don't think baking soda, diet, vitamins, cannabis oil, essiac tea or any one of a number of other alternative treatments would have worked better (and we tried some of those too). I don't doubt their anti-cancer properties, just their potency against something this aggressive. The conventional treatment we pursued actually has a good success rate for this particular cancer but obviously it isn't 100%.  I can only advise that anyone with a similar diagnosis do their research and base their decisions on hard evidence vs. anecdotal and/or unverified stories. Early detection is the key and I think earlier detection is the only thing that would have helped in this case.

As far as the future is concerned, there are a number of ways you can help fight cancer. There are a number of good charities that could use your donation. If you are looking for good charities to give to, check out https://www.charitywatch.org/top-rated-charities and https://www.consumerreports.org/charities/best-charities-for-your-donations/ and look in the cancer subsections. Another way you can contribute is via volunteer computing. Rosetta@home (http://boinc.bakerlab.org/rosetta/rah/rah_about.php), World Community Grid (https://www.worldcommunitygrid.org/about_us/viewAboutUs.do) and gpugrid (https://www.gpugrid.net/) are all BOINC based projects that contribute to cancer research. You can even earn Gridcoin (http://www.gridcoin.us/) while helping. Folding@home (http://folding.stanford.edu/) is another option. Cancer sucks but you can help destroy it.