Greetings to my loyal followers. 

There is a serious disturbance in your galaxy. Two days ago I *requested* that your planet stop sending me annoying freaking transmissions that make me want to reach through a comlink and choke a loser... or as you call them "spam". Yet today in my incoming transmissions, my assitant Vera, who is a rose amongst thorns, found this...
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<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NorxxvgLfME" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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Are you freaking kidding me? I believe on your planet you have a saying "don't poke the bear". Well you have seen what [I do to bears](https://steemit.com/til/@lordvader/til-that-it-is-hard-to-find-food-late-at-night). If you are too dim to remember, I will remind you. I EAT THEM! So if your planet believes in avoiding poking such a "fierce" creature, how should you handle one who is so fearless and all powerful that he devours those creatures for a late night snack? I'll tell you how you should handle someone so forceful and robust... you should fear him. I mean really fear him. Fear him so much that you wet your pants at the thought of him. Fear him so much that when you say his name you touch your forehead, then chest then one shoulder then the other... or whatever else your primitive religions call for you to do for protection. Fear him so much that you screech like Ned Flanders when you see him (yes I have received transmissions of this documentary about family life on your planet). 

Yes. You *should* fear me. Yet one of the inhabitants of your puny little planet chose to send me that? This dimwit chose to make fun of me? 

# I have a friggin' Death Star moron!

<br><center>http://img00.deviantart.net/5949/i/2005/287/7/7/darth_vader___death_star_by_shadrak.jpg
*There are two things in this picture that you obviously don't want to mess with.*<br></center>

Let's examine this "joke". 

That voice was clearly dubbed in order to make me appear weak. You know what my voice sounds like. It sounds like what it would sound like if you were somehow able to combine the last sound a dimwit makes when you force choke the last breath out of him, combined with the roar of a pod racer engine, combined with sound of my boss's body exploding at the bottom of a shaft, combined with your planet's greatest song "Stone Henge", topped off by the sound of millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror, and then suddenly silenced. So the coolest sound in the universe.

And some dirtbag on your planet attempted to reduced my voice to the sound of a scared little weasel... who can't act. Then he had the audacity to make it seem like I was screaming like a hysterical ninny. Everyone knows I don't ever scream. I don't need to scream. My calm, menacing voice is all I need in order to get my point across. 

<br><center><a href="https://imgflip.com/i/1gge9f"><img src="https://i.imgflip.com/1gge9f.jpg" title="made at imgflip.com"/></a></center><br>

But the culprit didn't stop with ridiculous voice tricks. 

On two occasions (at 12 and 49 seconds), this footage was doctored in order to make it look like I had failed to force choke this loser. Once might have been slightly funny. But twice??? Do you know how many times I have failed to finish a force choke? Wait. Scratch that. Do you know how many times I have failed at *anything*?  Zero. None. I'm Lord Vader. Duh.

To top this off, the scoundrel made it appear that I couldn't even throw that twit. One of my favorite things in the world is throwing things. I don't even need to touch them. I am constantly throwing things that just happen to be laying around. 

At the 30 second mark, the creator of this ludicrous footage made it seem like someone would actually have the courage to sass mouth me. We all know what I hate... rebels, aliens, my boss, and sass mouthing! There is no way anyone would be brave (or stupid) enough to sass me while I was choking him. "Didn't you see the markings?" Questioning me? Seriously? There is no way that would *ever* happen.

Oh yeah. One more thing. What the heck is an "information tape"? What year does this idiot think it is? 1977? 

We have transmissions you fool!

If any of my loyal followers provide me with information that leads to my being able to properly "thank" this scumbag for this message, the Empire will show it's gratitude. 

Images [1](http://img00.deviantart.net/5949/i/2005/287/7/7/darth_vader___death_star_by_shadrak.jpg), [2](https://imgflip.com/i/1gge9f)