<center>![signal](https://s6.postimg.org/bqa2kuq41/Batlight1.jpg)</center>

**I had only been in Los Angeles for a couple of months..,** and I had become somewhat friendly with the actress Faye Dunaway… So, my phone would often ring -- *"Mack, these people are fucking morons -- can you please come help me…"* 

This time, it would be about renting out her big beautiful home.., and would I go over make sure everything was being taken care of -- especially, emptying out the huge 2 car garage (more like 4 car).., so that BATMAN could park.

Yes, that is correct… ***She was renting her house to BATMAN!***

**Warner Brothers was actually paying for it while Val Kilmer was filming Batman…** He, his very pregnant wife (Joanne Whalley Kilmer) and his daughter Minny (Mercedes) who was still basically a baby… Well, when I got to the house.., there were two groups of people (Val Kilmers People) and (Faye Dunaways People) squared-off in the kitchen -- arguing quietly, *over whose responsibility it was to clear out the garage…*

<center>![arguing](https://s6.postimg.org/n6ghiw4a9/getty_185010993_970647970450062_65368.jpg)</center>

Once again… I had only been in The City of Angels for a short time.., and the whole *"people"* having "people" thing was still a bit weird to me. If you were *"anybody…"* you had "people." I was not -- one of these *"people."* I was this outside guy called in to oversee this bullshit… And while I was standing there, watching this circus… Joanne Whalley strolled into the kitchen, walked right by all the "well-tempered" emotion, with a big smile on her face… She introduced herself and gave me a little laugh (pertaining to the circus) and poured me a cup of coffee…

**Even though I was laughing on the inside at these clowns…** She could see it written all over my face -- it was a pretty funny moment. As she left.., in walked Val -- *BATMAN* himself… And I must say -- he was a damn good-looking man, with a definite presence. He poured himself some juice.., and came and stood right next to me (almost uncomfortably close). 

*"Hey, Mack., is it? Can you help me upstairs with something..?"* he says to me. 

**Upstairs we go…** We walk into a huge, state of the art work-out room. *"Can you hold the heavy bag for me -- I just want to hit it for a few minutes…"* I hold the bag -- and BATMAN proceeds to beat the shit out of this bag -- WELL.

And off he went to Warner Bros.., ***to be BATMAN for the day.*** 

Pretty much, the main and almost only thing that had to be done was -- *put the stuff from the garage into the big truck..,* drive it over to the storage place and there would be people there to unload it. While these two groups of *"people"* stood around and did nothing but argue.., and eat all of BATMANS food -- I grabbed two guys off the street, gave them $20 bucks each and we emptied the whole freakin' garage… 

**And the only one who knew what was going on was -- Minny** (their little girl), she sat in the doorway and watched us load the whole damn truck.., in awe. When the 2 guys left, the only thing left in the garage was, a rather large crate (huge). As I am pondering, how the hell am I going to get this on the truck -- BATMAN pulls up in a brand new caddy (the sporty one)

He pulls right in to the newly empty garage, gets out.., hears the clowns still arguing in the kitchen, looks at me and the empty garage and says -- *"Did you take care of this by yourself..?"*

Yep -- But I have no idea what to do with that crate…

He just laughs as he says -- *"Man, I fucking love New Yorkers…"*

*"What's in it?"* -- he says

A fish, I say…

*"What the fuck do mean, a fish..."* as he starts cracking' up laughing again…

<center>![marlin](https://s6.postimg.org/hjk4lf1rl/taxidermy_5_marlin.png)</center>

It's a giant Marlin -- someone caught in Mexico and had it mounted.

*"Can I hang it in the living room?"* -- he says like a kid…

You can do whatever you want with it…

We crack open this crate.., and it is a beautiful Marlin.

*"Wait, let me go get Minny before we tell Joanne…"*  -- he says, very excited.

He goes to get his little girl, in hopes her mother will not be able to say "no" to her…

Needless to say, she immediately falls in love with the fish.., and names him, what else -- Marlon. Joanne goes crazy.., she does not really want to hang a fish in Faye Dunaways beautiful living room.., and insists that I call Faye and ask…

*"He can do whatever the f@ck he…"* she says -- just like I thought…

After all the drama… They ask me to stay for dinner, to say.., thank you, for all your help… We had a nice meal (really nice).., and as I was leaving they handed me a bag with a bottle of red wine (Joanne said they were re-gifting), someone had given it to them as a gift. And assured me it was very good (expensive) -- so don't give it away, as she laughed at what she was saying… 

I saw Faye a few days later.., and Joanne had called to tell her how much they loved the house.., and that Mack was so much help and a pleasure to meet… Faye called me a "saint" and pointed at a statue of some saint -- she just bought for me, as a thank you…

<center>![family](https://s6.postimg.org/bjwdhrgz5/xxx_d02g3val24_15px24l11.jpg)</center>

I was so impressed with the family BATMAN had.., amidst  all the screwing around in Hollywood. Even though I was there only a short time, I could see everybody was fucking everybody… But he (BATMAN)had the perfect little family unit, in the midst of all the bullshit.

*Unfortunately...*

I had just started pouring drinks at SKYBAR in the Mondrian Hotel owned by Randy Gerber.., and little did I know -- there was a battle over who would "win" Cindy Crawford… The rumor was she was sleeping with Randy (owner of the bar) and  -- VAL KILMER!

<center>![cindyval](https://s6.postimg.org/o7gq80l9t/93ed27d90492f5e27791adf50f146774.jpg)</center>

**My image of his lovely family life were demolished..,** and BATMAN was just like everyone else out there -- *a dawg!* And there was no such thing as a storybook marriage, once you looked a little closer, in Hollywood… It was disappointing -- for here, I thought.., I found the one couple that had risen above all the raving insecurity in Hollywood -- and beat the odds. And who better to it.., than BATMAN! 

In the end -- Cindy married Randy. And Val and Joanne.., well -- they got divorced. Another family down the tubes, at the hands of all the temptation that exists for your average A-list Hollywood celebrity. *Man.., LA is a trip!*
<br>
P.S., Here's a pic of the saint statue Faye gave me...
![faye](https://s6.postimg.org/dpqoc9kfl/faye_saint_statue.jpg)
<br>
Image Source: [1](http://s62.photobucket.com/user/tkddan/media/Batlight1.jpg.html) [2](http://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1940x900/getty_185010993_970647970450062_65368.jpg) [3](http://www.dlspro1.com/image/taxidermy-5-marlin.png) [4](https://carilynn27.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/xxx-d02g3val24-15px24l11.jpg) [5](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/93/ed/27/93ed27d90492f5e27791adf50f146774.jpg)