So I spent most of my time on my couch today. Still feeling weak. It's been a week since I left the hospital so I'm wondering why things haven't normalised for me. Was joking with the idea of a heart disease. So the diagnosis was that had malaria and my Blood pressure had dropped significantly. I'm done with my medication and yes the headaches are gone but I pretty much feel weak. I have tried moving around but that usually leaves me tired. Altered my diet a little. My mum insist that I eat more vegetable and I have been doing just that. If things don't improve by next week I would revisit the hospital. Hope it isn't anything serious.

What else did I do today? Well I kinda went through most of my old posts, most of which I consider garbage because they've been emphasising about one thing (you know what). I think blogging for me stopped about 6months ago. Basically, what I have been doing is making money and I really don't judge myself for that. What else should I do?go rogue and write stories. That takes time. I could write a dozen steem related post with that time and at least a dollar each on everyone of them. I hate this. Basically everything bugs me now. Might attribute this to my health. Things don't look rosary like I once envisioned it.

Speaking about writing. I wrote a short story today. Didn't finish it--was too tired and I can't seen to concentrate on anything for too long, which created another problem of its own. I don't like revisiting unfinished work. They always look bad.

Wrote a post on cent. It is kind of my second home from steem although not much is going on there (not much is going on here either). At least there no one is raping the reward pool because there is none in the first place.

Another thing I noticed, which I tag the _steem-attitude_, which is wanting to give advise or solve problems that don't concern me. Yeah, I found myself doing that. Although it earned me about $7, it didn't feel good. Never thought I would say this but it can be really be draining--talking about things that don't really matter. Steem don't matter; cent don't matter, what matters is what I want to do or say which often times don't get appreciated. Before the said post i posted a poem--a good one (i don't write nonsense poems for upvotes), one that had some form of meaning to me but it went unnoticed. Going back to what i said earlier you aren't going to make much here if you're talking about things that are not pertaining to steem, the same thing goes for other decentralised social platforms. My two biggest earnings from cent came from cent related posts, but who really cares about those things? It's just a platform; it's just a tool, but it matters more than the people who use it or the things created with these tools.

_Mood_

**_He who plays the piper calls the tune_**

Go figure.

_Why not stop?_

Well asides the fact that this helps pay my bills, it is one of my few outlets to express myself. I'm not a fan of Twitter any more; Facebook has been dead to me for a long time. I would take older adults bickering about steem or any crypto currency that is potentially changing my life than the pointless drama of my Twitter timeline. So I'm stuck with you guys (for now)

I was also thinking about MEOS today. I consider it a failed project already but somehow i wish it works. I already have a eos account so probably i will be putting that into good use. For some reasons this unhealthy competition that exist between these significantly insignificant social dapps will benefit the end user--content creators. Just thinking about, i started with steem, now i have ethereum and very soon eos. I didn't have to purchase any. I probably would have been doing some very amazing things right if not for the responsibility I'm saddled with. But not to worry, i believe things will change. I just need one thing to click and that will be the game changer for me.

I'm getting tired so i think this is where i draw the curtains. Another thing, I haven't  been engaging much. That's because i have been sleeping early these past fewdays. Health over wealth. And come to think about it, i think it's time people begin to commercial their time and attention. People want engagement, it is in demand so why not trade it for some steem? You know what? you can send me some steem with a link to your post and i will leave a meaning comment. Just kidding. But hey, it is a profitable venture. I would not worry about the morale or ethical part of it. Many are shitposting steem into oblivion and everyone seems to be indifferent about it. So why not make money out of your time?

**_The love of money is the root of all evil_**

I think i have made it a duty of mine to say things people won't ordinarily say but think about. I think everyone here wants steem. Everybody loves steem and are willing to do just bout anything to get it. I don't believe people who talk about growth and things like that. Most people want steem to pump so they can dump. But you know what, it's okay. I don't judge anybody. Do whatever you want with your stake. Those who truly believe in steem would hodl and in the end they will be the biggest winners. I wish i was one of them.

Hopefully i a week or two i will go back into pretending that everything is great and the future is bright for decentralised social platform. I guess that's what everyone wants to hear. It makes a big joke of your choice knowing you've not made the best decisions in life. Our best response to these negative thoughts is denial and anger. Are you living in denial? This isn't just about steem but everything. Every decision you've made in your life. For example, i have probably blocked the fact that i was shitty to my dad before he died or the fact that I'm angry with him and the responsibility he left me. I have rationalised these thing and form ways of making them seem bearable. But the truth remains the truth. And I'm learning to accept things for what they truly are.

I got to go guys. Later.

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