The potent smell of mini donuts, which I can't stand, is surrounding me as if I were walking through a carnival, my stomach fluttering with butterflies on a mission. My body trembles inside as if a lightning bolt struck me and is sending energy through my body.  

What is happening to me? I lie in bed feeling my heartbeat rapidly beating... I feel it on my head as I lie on my pillow. It felt almost as if I were head-banging motionlessly. Why can't I get some sleep? I don't have the motivation or strength to move or get up to eat. I am slowly dwindling away to nothing. 

I weighed a whopping 86 lbs and felt like a skeleton; walking around with no sense of being, emotion, or desire.  I long for the day I can remove myself from these four walls in my home. I want to break free and one day I will !

...That was over a year and a half ago.  Today, I remember that suffering and inability to be me. The above is an in-depth idea of what I went through and felt during my major break down with anxiety. I have had it just about 11 years now.  I am telling you this because anxiety is very much underestimated, not talked about enough, and is considered a norm. When I tell people I have anxiety, they say, "me too, I get stressed about things."  I tell them it is so much more that that.  Many people really don't understand what people with the illness are really going through.  I worry about things daily and get stressed easily. 

People say " its okay"," you'll be fine," "you can control it," "don't worry so much." All of these statements bother me so much because If I could control it, i'd be anxiety free!!!  We who have anxiety control the controllables. Anxiety "can be" a chemical imbalance and can affect people many different ways. If  you have anxiety, then you understand and may even nod your head as you read this. I don't feel sorry for myself for the illness I have, I deal with it.  My puppy, Sampson, really helps me get through my daily struggles. 

This is me today!

<center>https://i.imgsafe.org/8055939201.jpg</center>

 And here is my puppy photobombing me!

<center>https://i.imgsafe.org/80342ccb6d.jpg</center>


I really just wanted to post this to my blog as it is part of my life.  I really want to thank you for reading this post! I hope to one day have even more education on anxiety to better help myself and others!!!!