![fcofteuau9.jpg](https://img.esteem.ws/fcofteuau9.jpg)
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With less than 3 weeks remaining before the end of this decade, now, is a good time to reflect.

2019: *Ay ya yay*, what a year...  You nearly broke my back, but you also gave me wings. Let's start with the positive.

After nearly two decades of toiling in relative obscurity as a writer, this year gifted me the crowning achievement of my creative career, so far: 

I was invited to launch my book, [Where Epics Fail](https://youtu.be/4jxAVHSQQKg) and give a talk at ***Oxford University***!

https://youtu.be/Fy1t-P1i280

In comparison to living in the USA, visiting Oxford felt a little like traveling in time—-steeped as this charming university town is in history and old world culture.

Once I was able to stop hyperventilating, I enjoyed this rare pleasure and honor of speaking at such a prestigious institution-—truly, an experience to cherish for life :)
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![u5lji1.png](https://img.esteem.app/u5lji1.png)
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Unsurprisingly, the audience for my talk was intelligent and my host, literary scholar, Dr Ben Grant, was very gracious--helping to put me at ease and make me feel welcome. In addition to taking my wife and I out for dinner (twice) he escorted us on a walking tour of the town.  

Here's a peek:
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![3wxjcc.png](https://img.esteem.app/3wxjcc.png)
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In related book news (as an author, for better or worse, such is the stuff of my life) the publishers of Deepak Chopra, Hay House, reissued my first book, [Signposts to Elsewhere](https://youtu.be/O6zHo9FI9ck)

The video trailer, above, of this latest edition of my short meditations, was created by friend and fine director, Tim Pieraccini.
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![27qrs8.png](https://img.esteem.app/27qrs8.png)
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I was positively thrilled with the quality production of this gem-like book (the pages, inside, are green) and proud for it to be released into the world `_/|\_`
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![zfw4e2.png](https://img.esteem.app/zfw4e2.png)
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Lastly, one more literary achievement —this, time not mine. After many years of correspondence, I finally met a pen pal & spiritual adviser, for the first time.  Better yet, I was able to help a friend that I admire to achieve one of her dreams.

Lolita Jardeleza was a high school teacher of my wife and, on this occasion, invited both of us to her home, where she shared an impressive manuscript of love poems, addressed to her deceased husband and the Divine.

Within months of our meeting, I was able to find a publisher for her book & am proud to announce that her debut poetry collection, *Eternal Love* will be published by Wipf & Stock, early 2020.

Here’s a picture of me with the happy and inspiring author, who is 87 years young :)
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![dw95347f1f.jpg](https://img.esteem.ws/dw95347f1f.jpg) 

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Now, I must take a sharp turn and make a  confession... Amid the countless blessings, something happened this summer. Something so dark that I cannot speak of it, directly — perhaps, my closest encounter with Evil. 

Let’s just say that I spent a month in New York, this past June, professionally covering the trial of a cult leader and, to my shock, could see uncanny echoes in my personal life. To deal with false, vicious claims made by an unstable person, I was forced to hire 2 lawyers and found myself entangled in court hearings, for the better part of 2019. Bear with me, as  I attempt, to elaborate further and unburden myself.
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![rzzakg.png](https://img.esteem.app/rzzakg.png)
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What saw me through this incredibly trying time was the support of family, friends (yes, that includes all of you, too, and the catharsis of blogging on Steemit) as well as prayer, work and the stubborn belief that Justice & Truth *will* prevail, even in the bleakest of times.

Also, gradually, I began to experience a strange acceptance that this hurt and betrayal were necessary, somehow, for my spiritual development. If I paid attention and did not fight, I might even extract something good, healing and possibly transformative from the poison.

As I understand it, poetry is an expression of the intolerable. Through it, one can confess in code and attempt to articulate what is unutterable. Undergoing this soul trial -- where I was the victim of a hate crime -- I turned to poetry for solace, to overhear my higher self.

Below, is a new poem I wrote that hints at this destabilizing incident which has shaken me to my core and tested my mettle. Thank you, Steemians, for listening with an open heart and I hope the balance of light in your year was greater than the dark. `_/|\_`

***Holy Mess***

*Overnight, your once blessed existence
might reverse course
become an alien thing
and you stand accused
of unspeakable crimes*

*Never mind, you are innocent
of these base horrors—
as Kafka says, in his Trial,
‘Guilt is never to be doubted’*

*Be grateful, then
there are still dreadful sins
in our fallen world
of which you are blameless*

*Now, tell me, how will this crucible
change you? Then show how this
unasked-for crisis is
blessing, allow it to assist
the birth of your longed-for self*

*Thank God, for this Holy Mess.*

©Yahia Lababidi

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![4t561k.png](https://img.esteem.app/4t561k.png)

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[2019 Fireworks: Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/C0sW3yscQXc)

[Art by Francisco Goya](https://learnodo-newtonic.com/francisco-goya-famous-paintings)

![Dove_Steemit.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmZNEfTHhA1Hmk2hBnpYJhpokTbLjcAqYHNgNCHhWffNSs/Dove_Steemit.jpg)

To find out more about this @blocktrades sponsored contest, please, see @anomadsoul's [post](https://steemit.com/blocktradescontest/@anomadsoul/contest-my-2019-achievements-and-failures-or-200-steem-in-prizes).