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This morning I just struggled in getting up and to sit-up on my bed is just a torture, I feel like weaker if there is a pain in my body. The pain is just terrible and I had thought that it is a time to use Gabapentin instead of the NSAID pain reliever that I am just using twice a week because NSAIDs are bad for the gastro-intestinal tract.

After taking the 300 mg of Gabapentin which I guess is too much for my body frame or mass if I still have mass left to my emaciated body, it made me as usual feel relaxed and the pain eased a bit maybe because some of my pain issues are related to nerve pains.

The relaxing effect is profound enough to make me sleep although unfortunately I cannot sleep eight hour straight anymore. But I am still thankful that even though I had an intermittent sleep issues the series of nap-like sleep pattern that I am having is just maybe enough to make me sane.

But I dreamed with my sleep and afterwards I felt nice and weirdly enough that gargling sound in my lungs goes away. Now there are no more __"nearly empty soda drink while you are sipping it from a straw"__ sound anymore.

I am a bit okay when I am lying here on my bed and it is not too much difficult to get into my back position from my left side position. But without NSAIDs and Gabapentin it too is not that easy to do anymore.

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<center>__I Do Not Know If I Can Ever Get Freed From My Own Shackles But Blind Hope Is Still In My Heart__</center>

I think that I will get so drowsy this evening but I had some coffee to perk me up so that I can make some blogs and share my thoughts. I also feel that time goes fast with my life, years go by so fast that I cannot believe that it is July already.

My hope that at the end of the year we could find BTC to get up and hit the predicted price point for it. I have not much time left regarding my goals and dreams to achieve and I also cannot accept that my time had run-out already. But still I have to just move forward so that at least I can be able to take off my mind from the reality that had bitten and plagued me from the start.

My goal for now is to make myself at ease by taking my required medicines because without those really I will be like in an eternal torture chamber. Just imagine all your body's joints in pain because of your weak bones, that is what I am trying to control so that I can avoid a lingering pain just like before I started my Cinacalcet therapy.

I am trying not to give my Parathyroid a reason to get hyper to control its destructive hormone pump into my body. At least I am getting results despite that I could not completely normalize its over-functioning.

Now I am persevering with maybe my blind hope and effort to save some funds for correcting my parathyroid. I just have to make sure that I could sustain the post-operative complications arising from the removal of most of my Parathyroid glad. The operation is not that easy to do but also not that invasive as well as I have learned.

Unfortunately there is still also the CoviD pandemic plus my mother's fear of me getting under the surgery knife too. But as for myself there are no more risks as the risks are overpowered by the benefits and if I would die under the surgery knife then it will be my ultimate rest. May God bless you all.