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# I was about 3 and a half years old when I was taken from my mother and father.

My brother and I were moved into an institution because my mother used amphetamines, heroin and pills. My father was an alcoholic, and lived with a bunch of people so he stayed at a halfway house.

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My aunt got tired of taking care of us eventually, so she contacted the child welfare system. 

Some memories I have of my mother: 

## I was so full of ADHD that I was locked in a dark room when my mother could not handle me when she was intoxicated. So it ended up that I had PTSD, claustrophobia and I would beg, and claw at myself in the room, but she did not let me out. I was drugged with valium and made to be quiet.

So when we were picked up by CPS, it ended up that we were sent in a contingency home, together me and my brother. We lived there for about 1 and a half years, the foster father died of cancer and the foster mother couldn't have us anymore.

We were then moved to a children's home where we stayed for 6 months, in anticipation of new foster parents. We were there together with 4 other kids our age and did really quite well so I remember and have seen in pictures.

We were so taken by the new parents ours, and moved in with them. it was very straightforward family, they had a daughter from before and we were well taken care of there.

So when I came in 5 class, I started to develop powerful ADD with large concentration difficulties, which began to take the upper hand on me.

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I was so medicated with Ritalin which gave me even more turmoil in my body. They thought I had ADHD but I struggled not with hyperactivity only concentration problems. So I was more upset and struggled more and more in school. When I started in 6 class, we learned my mother had a heroin overdose and was in a coma.

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We pulled up at the hospital and visited her and they disconnected her respirator. And she died peacefully because her brain was already dead. I started to have more and more strange feelings rise up inside my body. These feelings just sat inside, welling up.

## In the summer of 1999 I started at 7 class and was unable to learn.

 I was then put on Dexedrine to see if the school was easier for me, but none of the medicines helped my ADD. I got a diagnosis in later age. But I dropped out of school, because I was teased by students, was brought down and forcibly held, by Lerer and the school Principal repeatedly. So in the end, I was so discombulated, that I started to run away from home and school, started stealing from shops and headed for the city where I hung out with people.

I broke into cabins and slept away from home, and such. I broke into my parents' house, collected clothing and money while they were at work, so I could survive. I was then finally taken, when I was found in the city at night by police because I was still breaking into abandoned places. Also, I was sent to an institution for handicapped children where I became friends with 2 other ones who used marijuana and smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol.

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I stopped taking my medication when I realized marijuana helped my ADD. I tried to fake my way during school, and basically said goodbye to an education throughout secondary school. I ran off all the time, and started hanging out with others who were partially small-time criminals. So we stole beer and snacks at the store. And we hung out together and started drinking all the time. Then, finally, a child welfare agent was sent to me who watched me 24/7 in an institution to make sure I wasn't doing anything illegal. 

I gave more and more hell and was depressed that life had gone so wrong. So I did everything and try and escape from there. And finally I did find another guy with whom I escaped. I was doing some burglary and theft to survive, because I didn't want to sponge off my new friend.

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So I ended up getting caught by the police and sent to a different place, where I was locked up in prison 23 hours a day with a 1 hour trip with a guard every day. I lived there until I was 17 and a half years, before I was sent home. I started then to buy and sell marijuana and use it as medicine itself, as this worked on me and my ADD.

I became more and more of an addict, and it ended up that I got a judgment of being in possession of 250 grams of hashish. I was released without jail time on the condition that I do volunteering for the state for 200 hours. I then began to do the same stuff, buying and selling drugs, and ended up with several judgments. Then finally I got one and a half year punishment because I smuggled hashish into Norway.

## The schools in prison educated me as a cook, and now today, I still work as a cook.

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I've got a daughter and live in a drug recovery house where I have a much better life and I also met a lovely girl my age, who has become my partner.

So now I see a bright future and I do feel much better about myself.

I feel that I can live with my problems now and tackle them the best I can.

I've never told anyone about my childhood experiences except my girlfriend.

-Secret Writer
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